And just like that.....

*whispers* A couple of months ago I started going to therapy. Now, most people would be ashamed to admit that.  Not me.  I have been fighting therapy for over a year now; afraid to face daemons that haunt me regularly.  Ashamed that people would judge me for needing help with issues of my past and present.  Not thinking about what caring such heavy burdens were doing to my person. After a month and a half of sessions I feel so much lighter.  I see the positive changes that are happening in my life due to therapy and I'm no longer ashamed to admit I needed a little extra help.  Years of running from my past was tiring.  Facing it has been tough but so cathartic.

Money!!! Where did all of my money go?? I need to really take a money management course because I can't keep living like this. I do have some responsibilites but this is getting out of hand. I have things that I want to do and purchase that I can't because I have no money. Ever. I need some help!!!! I'm drowning in brokeness!!!! Anybody trying to throw me a life vest!! Cause your girl can't swim!

Today I got my hair straightened!! It's been 1 year and 5 months since I've had my hair straight. Surprisingly, I LOVE IT!!!

So, today I was supposed to have an interview for a management position at Trader Joe's. My Captain (the head honcho) and every other mate I work with is throughly convinced that I would make a great mate. It took months for them to convince me that I would make a great mate and I finally decided to go ahead with the interview. I have been trying to keep it under wraps because I don't want everyone to know but today my Captain made an announcement that I was going on my interview. Not really the attention I wanted but oh well. I get into the interview and the first question they ask me is if I'm ready to be a Captain. And that's when it hit me...NO! I'm not!!! I kind of had a mini panic attack in my mind. I don't want to spend my whole life with Trader Joe's. Maybe this isn't what I want. So, on the drive back I got top thinking...maybe this doesn't mean this will be my life. Why not just use this as a stepping stone. I'm not back in grad sch...

I hate to lose friends but I guess there's a first time for everything. I take such precaution before letting people in that if I really consider you a friend it's basically for LIFE!!! #nolol I just feel really bad because I recently lost a friend in a situation that just seems so pointless to me. I was wrong on some things and I admit that. I just wish things were back the way they used to be. Unfortunately that ship has sailed. I just wish them them the best in all their endeavors because I know they can accomplish great things if they can see what others see in them.

At times I feel that I'm completely unwanted. Like no one wants me or will ever be interested. I'm never quite good enough. And I have been told numerous times that this isn't the case but it's really hard to believe that when time after time things just don't work out in my favor. So, my joke about being a dog lady just may really be in my future.

Say what? Naw. Play boy i just don't want you!! Why is that so hard to understand. You just happen to not be my type. Which means for whatever reason (cornrows, gold teeth, grammar, hygiene, etc) I'm just not that into you.  Explain to me kind sir, why it's OK for you to not be interested in ole girl because, oh say, she wore an orange shirt today. But not alright for her to not be interested in you because you drink purple Gatorade? OK. I'm exaggerating just a tad but you catch my drift. I have the OPTION to not be interested. I'm not trying to sound uppity because I'm always super flattered whenever anyone finds interest in me. That just doesn't mean that I have to like, like you because you're attracted to me. So, don't come for me with this belief that because I'm not interested in you that I don't like men! No, sir I just happen to not be interested in you! And now there is no way I ever will be! EVER!!  I understand that your eg...

"You have a habit of letting people hurt you and instead of addressing it head on, you harbor anger/hurt and talk about it." Look. One of my best friends just read me like, "The Cat in the Hat."

I haven't really been blogging a lot lately. Mostly because....well I don't have a valid reason why. Just haven't really had much to say I guess. I figured I would give a little update on life up to this point: 1. I have finally registered for classes at NOVA. This community college down the street from my house. I am finally getting serious about taking classes and preparing for the GRE. I'm well on my way now. I'm actually quite excited about starting classes. I've always loved school. 2. I finished reading Kite Runner. And boy was that hard. I wasn't prepared for the content but I'm proud of myself for making it through the entire book (especially since I have yet to finish The Lovely Bones.) I had many a revelation while reading this book which have been difficult for me to accept. 3. My birthday was splendid!!! I went back to Atlanta and had a grand time as usual. 4. Recently a really good friend of mine have become more distant. It bothers ...

I am reading this book. The book is really good but it's extremely tough for me. I started reading it with no knowledge of how difficult some of the content would be for me. I'm determined to finish it. I won't be defeated like I was by 'Lovely Bones.' But it's still really hard. Just really hard.

The Michigan Difference. If you know a Wolverine, past or present, you have heard this saying. All Wolverines pride themselves on this difference and being the Leaders and Best. The question: what is this difference we speak so highly of? Coming to Michigan we were the top of class. Albeit athletically, scholarly, or financially. For most of us high school was not a difficult task. Personally, I breezed through high school. I didn't have to study and most things came easy to me. This was not the case when i got to Michigan. I struggled for a lot of things at U of M financially, emotionally, physically, and grades. And I know many of my classmates had similar struggles. We became self-motivated, determined fighters!! That difference is FIGHT!!

Yesterday, I found that my Aunt Lou (my grandmother's sister) passed. This is my first time dealing with the of someone so close to me. When my sisters and I spent summers in Detroit we spent a majority of our time with her. It has been hard for me to deal with mostly because my grandmother has lost both of her younger sisters. The only thing I can think of is that my grandmother being the oldest is going to be gone soon as well.

When I was younger I NEVER EVER wanted to chop my tresses!!!! For the most part I've always had thick and healthy hair. There was one point during my sophomore year of college where my hair was over-processed and falling out! I thought my life was OVER!! I couldn't believe that this was happening to my hair. But something happened to me during my latter years of college....I realized it was JUST HAIR! And since then I have been chopping away and trying new things!

You may not know this about me but I'm a NERD!!! Certified Grade A Nerd!!! I love books (cried when Borders closed), play the cello, paint, like museums, wear big glasses, love colorful Keds, did well in school you know the usual!!! So, when I discovered Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino I felt that my prayers had been answered!! A nerdy rapper!!! Granted Glover isn't rapping about having straight As in school but he does hit on a lot of issues that I can relate to. His album Camp is everything and has gotten me through many a tough workout!! Granted, I'm "late to the game" because I wasn't hip to him when he just dishing out mixtapes but still though!! Now, I'm in love!! Check him out when you get the chance!!

Before I hear it let me just state that I AM NOT A HATER! I have nothing against Tyler Perry personally. He has done nothing to me and for all I know he could be one of the nicest people to ever grace this planet. I do know one thing though...I am not a fan of his movies! Yeah, I said it! I'm not a fan. How is this so? He gives black people a voice!  He puts black actors in his movies!  He's one of the highest paid men in film!  Perry is the true definition of the American Story. He pulled himself from the bottom and is now resting at the top!!  How could you not be a fan of such a great story?? Well, let me explain. In no way am I trying to undermine Perry's triumphant story. He came from the bottom achieved greatness. That is commendable in its own right, I'm not trying to take anything away from that. And from what I gather he partakes in philanthropy giving money to some worthy causes. That's wondiferous!! With ALL of that being said I still don...

In the past few of weeks we have lost: Etta James:    Don Cornelius: And Whitney Houston:      Now, I do not know any of them personally but I do know their contributions to music. Each of these people have given something great to music and will forever live through that. Death should never be taking lightly. Ever! I don't care if the biggest drunk/drug user passes away death is serious.      I just want to take the time to pay homage to these three people who have touched the lives of millions of people and paved the way for thousands of black artists today. I hope we all remember that everyday is not promised so make sure to appreciate every breath you're being blessed to take! * On an aside I was very disheartened by the reaction to Ms. Houston's death. Yes, she battled with drugs in a very public way and yes, that's probably what took her life. But should her death be made light of? I mean, what if this your m...

     Personally, feel that parents who name their children outlandish and ridiculous names should be jailed for child abuse and endangerment! Especially, when the parents are walking around with names like Bob, Linda, Robert, Becky, Chris, Lisa, well you get the point! It should truly be illegal to name you're children outlandish things. I think it's unfair to burden/punish a child in such a manner. What did they do to deserve such a life? I get it, you want your child to feel unique and special but why can't you just show them that? Why torture them by butchering the spelling or inventing something ridiculous?         I understand the purpose of naming your child. Their name will go on to define them and shape how they and others perceive them. Your name goes with during each phase of your life and that can't be said about everything. So, your name will bear great importance. Time needs to be given during this delicate decision making...

Along my rebuilding journey I have been really struggling with the concept of self-esteem. I have never really thought I was pretty. Not that I think I'm hideous I just have never thought of myself as attractive. I just don't know how to get there or explain to people how I feel. People have always told me that I'm a pretty girl but I just don't see what they see. I want to, I just don't know how.

    In two days we will all be celebrating the ball drop and remembering that you write 2012 instead of 2011!! I have never done a big New Year's celebration. My family and I just have a mini celebration at the house. This year I get to join a few friend's for a celebration at someone's house!! Par-tay over there!!! Anyways...that's not the point      I have always wondered why everyone waits for a New Year to make resolutions. If I plan on bettering myself or making a change I don't want to wait for a new year to make changes. Why not tomorrow? What's wrong with going into 2012 already a new person? I appreciate the concept of, "a new year, new me." Personally, I feel that on July 7 I should be able to make the same resolutions.      Instead, we should be focused on making new habits...everyday. If I noticed that I have been lacking in faith and need to be more prayerful I shouldn't wait until the new to change that. I should find a w...