And just like that.....

Nothing much has changed in my daily routine I still work like I have nothing better to do...and that's about it! On my days off I don't do too much either..which bothers me slightly. I feel like that I don't take advantage of DC enough! I mean it's right there! I should be all up and through there!! But that has nothing to do with what this post is about. So there is this guy, right? I had worked up the courage to ask for his number if I saw him again but a couple days later he came in and beat me to the punch: He asked for mine. Now, I'm not used to being in this situation. I have never been the girl that a guy sees and can't stop thinking about. And in this case I was. The one thing that makes me smile about the whole situation and is that he is not short on compliments. Every time we have spoken he is complimenting me in some way. Talk about an ego boost! It just makes me smile, makes me feel good about myself!

That is one of my favorite poems for reasons that I'm not getting into right now! But none-the-less I found it fitting as a title. I know life is going to test me that's the point. It wouldn't be much living to be done if I wasn't. And I have realized that I have been looking at the negative aspects of life a lot lately. I don't have this, I had to leave, I want a new...and etc. You get the point. But I have stopped and looked at all the things I do have. Yes life threw me a jab but I'm not Knocked Out! I'm still living. And now is the perfect time for me to start looking at the positive. So that's what I'm going to start doing. So if you catch me in the streets being a "Debbie Downer" just come correct me real quick!

After much contemplation I have come to terms with that fact that I do not know how to date! I have no idea what it means to play the field or whatever cliche term you have for dating. I just don't get it. I don't know when a guy is interested in me..or even how to let a guy know that I am interested in him. My nerves take over, I get flustered, I don't know what to say, and I automatically count myself out. Heck, I don't even know where to begin looking for someone! I'm just lost...so what is it? There is clearly work that has to be done on my end but what else is there? Maybe love isn't ready for me....or this is God's way of telling me that I'm not ready for love.

This episode of Law & Order SVU is difficult...I know the majority of their episodes are about rape especially with young children. I try to stomach most of these episodes but this one is killing me! It hurts so much and reminds me how much farther I have to continue on my own journey......

America has been dealing with some serious societal issues as of late. The education system is on a downfall, Congress is fighting against the current President, President Obama is being disrespected by every facet of the media, inner cities are virtually imploding on themselves, the environment is being ripped apart by markets, America's use of oil continues and has the potential to ruin the economic system AND.... PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO B WORRIED ABOUT IDRIS ALBA PLAYING THOR IN A MOVIE!! Are you serious!? I won't state my opinion on the matter because it's irrelevant at this time. My friend sent me an article discussing the situation today and after reading it I sat down and read the comments. And I was astonished after being being called a Nigger one night at school by some upset white people and then reading those comments there is no way people can tell me that racism doesn't exist still in this country! The comments people made were astonishing. From what I tho...

"Are you scared?" I was asked this question recently by someone I talked to about my childhood sexual abuse. And I never thought that I was but maybe I am. There might be something to that. So, what does this have to do with me looking fat? OK, I'm getting to that... Being a survivor and not dealing with the abuse to years later means that there are tons of issues that need to be addressed. Which is always worse than dealing with issues head on. With that being said I have a HUGE Walk-In closet worth of issues to deal with. One of the more obvious ones being my body image. I have never thought that I was pretty...or attractive...or had a nice body nothing! I stated in my previous post (A Part of Me) that I hate my body. While this seems like an exaggeration it's not. I really wish I could another body. I have no idea how to handle being complimented for my looks and especially my body. When my friend asked me if I was scared it started the "wheels-a-turning....