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Wandering Mind

Most people can't tell but internally I'm basically a maniac! Not the delusional type but the worrying type! My mind is always racing, I'm always thinking, I'm always concerned, I'm always self-Conscious, etc. Here's a glimpse into what goes through my mind a day...

1. Body image: How do I look to others. What is their perception of me? Does it really matter? What is my perception of myself? Do I measure up?

2. God: Does he hate me? Why am I always pushing against him? Will I ever be consistent with him? Am I really be called to do what I think I'm being called to do?

3. Being single: Why am I? What do I have to do in order to not be single? Am I ready for that? Is there something wrong with me? There is a huge part of me that hates being alone!

4. Grad school: Am I ready for it? I'm excited for it! But nervous at the same time! Will I be accepted by anyone I want to be accepted by? Will I fit in? Am I making the right decision about what to study?

5. GRE: WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN STUDYING FOR IT? I can't do math! I'm probably going to fail! But I shouldn't think like that! But it's probably true! I haven't even registered for it! Why am I such a sham!?

6. Therapy: Why haven't I looked into going back! I'm scared! I don't know what to expect. I don't know what else I will find! I don't know who else I will find. What if I don't like them? What about other memories?

7. Zeta: Why do people not take it seriously? I'm ready for a grad chapter! What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them? Will I be able to afford it? I really do love my Z Phi B!

8. Church: It was so great to be back in the house of the Lord! Why was I away for so long? What have I missed! What is in store for me there? Will I continue going? I need to!

9. New Job: I can't Trader Joe's anymore! I don't like the things that are happening! I hate feeling under appreciated! I don't mind the work but there is too much pressure and stress! I'm just scared I won't be able to find another job! I pray these other options work out! I would be really grateful!

10. MUSIC: Will I ever play again? I miss it so much! I need it in my life! That's what has been missing! I just need really need music!

11. Family: At times I feel disconnected! I wish we were all closer! I wonder what happened? How does it get fixed?

12. Friends: How many people really like me? Am I good friend? I think I am. But am I really? How do I know? Do people I consider friends consider me as their friends?

13. Books: There are so many books I have started and not finished! There are also a few that I have finished this year? I need to start reading like I used to!

14: Love: What does it really mean to love? Why is it so hard to let go of a love? Do you still love me? If not, why? Do I deserve love?

And yes I pretty much thought of all of this today! There is probably more that I missed but I couldn't remember everything!
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