Now you see me, Now you don't

Recently I have been feeling really invisible, not just to other people but to myself. I feel like nobody cares what's going on with me or just check up on me. I end up initiating a lot of contact. Not really a fan of that. It makes me feel like I'm begging for attention. It would just be nice if everyone who "misses" me so much would actually show it.

As for being invisible to myself, I feel like I'm suppressing lots of issues. I'm hiding these from myself which has me feeling like I'm searching for me. I guess I'm just feeling vulnerable.

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Where to start?

I have been off of work since September 19th and one would think that I would be losing my mind. While there are days I am sitting in my house pulling my hair out I have been surprisingly content. Which is more than a blessing. I have been able to take care of myself and not stress too much. So with that being said here's the rundown: 1. I have a freaking cast!! I have never broken anything so this is new to me! I HATE IT!! Mostly because it's on my dominate hand and my whole life has been complicated! All of this for a torn/out of place tendon. Which mind you I hurt in July! Either way I'm trying to let my wrist heal and all that jazz. Just know that because it's hard to type it will be harder for me to post. 2. I just received another heart break. I have really been trying to not let this bother me but it's hard. I have always been good enough to be a friend or almost a Girlfriend but never that. At some point you stop thinking that something is wrong with ev...

Am I pretty?

This is a question I ask myself on a regular basis. And the typical answer would be no. I have never considered myself pretty. There are time when I see myself in the mirror or look at picture and wonder if that's actually me. I know exactly where this stems from and I'm not fishing for compliments. Which is usually the response I get from people. They either try to help me figure out why I believe this or tell me to be quiet I should know I'm beautiful. And honestly I don't. I wish people could comprehend that it's so hard for me to think highly of myself. I just think that I'm average. Nothing more just average. I long to think of myself as gorgeous, beautiful, pretty. Someone that men and women alike were in awe of their beauty. I just want to feel beautiful and don't know how to....

"1 to the head now you know he dead..."

Like everyone else in America I have just watched Rihanna'a "Man Down" video. Now if you haven't seen it already I suggest you watch it before continue to read my post. Only because you might be confused when I make specific references! Now to my personal opinion: I want to begin by thanking Rhianna. I feel that what she has done is very worthwhile given her previous release of S & M. I won't lie and tell you that when that song came on I sang along like everyone else. Even though I'm not really a fan of whips and chains and all that other jazz but it was just so darn catchy! I'm getting off topic again. Man Down for me was one of Rihanna's most moving videos and songs to date. I believe she took a chance on taboo topic. Most of the arguments have been that the opening image of the video is "too graphic." Really? I find that hard to believe. I know that, I like many Americans, have been de-sensitized to violence. So that could be part of ...

And just like that.....

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