Skip to main content

Black O'meter

OK. I grew up in the suburbs. I speak "proper" English. I play the Cello. I like poetry. I love art. I wear big glasses and love them...and among other things

these added together

=

It also means that for some reason I'm not considered black enough. I have never quiet understood why one has to "prove" their blackness. I mean my skin color should qualify me enough.  Don't I look black to you?

Why do certain interests or looks disqualify you from participating in your own race?  So, because I listen to classical music on my Beats I'm excluded from participating in my race.  That doesn't seem fair to me.  How often do you hear about white people proving their whiteness?  Not too often.  Actually, I've never heard of it.  They get to be eccentric, quirky, different and any other adjective along that line.

I'm not ashamed to be different...well not anymore.  I've accepted who I am now.  I just wish that I didn't have to fight to be included.  I have enough battles to deal with being black shouldn't be one of them.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Could you Speak up? I can't hear you.

I have always had difficulty standing up for myself or voicing my voice as the young folks say. Speaking my mind and expressing my thoughts and ideas terrifies me. I'm not confident in my opinions and often worry that I'm wrong. These thoughts are only heightened by my ever present anxiety. I'm constantly overthinking and concerned that no one wants to hear what I have to say. To me, my thoughts don't matter to anyone other than myself. My voice often shakes and gets quiet when I'm trying to express myself. I am either worried that my opinions will harm/offend or will go unnoticed. There are several moments over the course of my life where I regret not speaking up or saying something that was on my mind. There is a constant internal struggle that happens every time I faced with a moment to express myself. More often than not, I end up silencing myself. Which I can openly admit has done nothing for me.  All I ended up with was a nagging regret that I should have sa...

You Passed

Remember when I said that I was going to be more diligent about posting and keeping everyone updated on what was happening? Yeah, I don't remember that either. As of September 5, 2017, I am officially a PhD Candidate. That means that I sufficiently convinced my three person committee (all women might I add) that I know what I'm talking about and am somehow capable of writing a dissertation. This a HUGE deal. Anyone who has gone through, started or completed any amount of work towards a doctorate knows just how stressful this portion of the program is. There are actually no words that will sufficiently explain how large this achievement is. *As you can tell, this post is LATE. And I do mean late. I've been a candidate for months now. Forgive me.* 

You're A Non-Mother F*cking Factor!

For those who don't get the reference in the title, let me introduce to you Evelyn Lozada!  I know 'reality television' is the farthest thing from reality but this is by far one of my favorite 'reality' TV moments. It summed up her thoughts and feelings so concisely . It was a perpetual mood that I aspired to for a long time. I know the next question any logical person would pose is, why? Why would this be a perpetual mood I wanted to attain? For years I have lived in my head, afraid of my own voice and sharing my thoughts and opinions. I envied those that could "pop off" and voice their voice. I wanted to be able to say what I needed to say, how I wanted to say it, and without remorse. As I've continued to grow, I have learned that this attitude is not what communication is about. Being able to dismiss everyone around you and say everything the way you want to say it is not effective.  "Cussing everyone out is not self care...