And just like that.....

1. Sometimes I just wish people wouldn't tell me certain things. They either make me feel dumb or cause me to think about things that I don't want to. 2. Today in church my Pastor preached about being ready for the upcoming season...and that got me to thinking. Am I ready? I mean I have been trying to expand my faith and yet I still feel like I'm failing. I just feel that I'm missing out on something. A lot of what he said pertained to me. I feel like I'm not prepared for the next "season" that God has planned for me. I can't really say that I know what path my life is being moved towards. And this scares me. Because I don't know if I can let everything go and let him have the reigns. Now don't get me wrong he has always provided for me in a way that I probably don't deserve and I am beyond thankful. I just feel stagnant... 3. I really don't want to be one of those bitter women that is unhappy about everyone's happiness but at times...

Recently I have been looking in the mirror and not understanding the person I see looking back at me. I have gone through some very significant changes. Most recently cutting off all my hair. A decision that I am too happy with. Before I just had hair and now I have a HAIR!! Something that makes me feel more feminine than when I had long hair. Which for most may be slightly backwards. And even with all of these changes I'm still not happy with me. While I want to put all the blame on society and their lack of emphasis on my type of beauty I can't. The main culprit for my lack of confidence in me, is well, ME! Well that's not entirely my fault..but that's a story for another day. What makes things worse is that I don't know how to explain this to people. In the past when I have tried they make a face and tell me I'm crazy. I'm always the friend!! The girl all the guys come to in order to get the female perspective on my friend. While a huge part of me yearns ...

I have been dying...and I do mean dying for football season to start. Why? Because I just absolutely LOVE Football!!! And no, not for the heavenly built men in spandex pants, although at times that doesn't hurt, but because i love the sounds of the audibles being called, the whistles being blown, and the crunching sounds of the pads when an amazing tackle has been made! All in all I love football for the game! I have always amazed guys with my vast knowledge, understanding, and pure love for the sport. So much so that most don't think I know what I'm talking about until they get riled up and I just can't stop talking about it. So I'm used to being underestimated but this has only worsened as I continue to move out of my tom-boy faze and into a more womanly one. Guys she edgy haircut, big hoop earrings, and fitted clothes and assume that I have no desire to spend my Saturday yelling at a game that I only wish I could be at! Little do they know that I will throw on my...

So this past weekend was the Art fair. And seeing that I am never up here for the festivities I decided to join some friends as they did a mini walk through. Which I have come to discover was a good and bad thing. While I was able to pick up a few cards of some great artists I realized that I wasn't able to do the art fair justice. What most don't know about me is that I LOVE art. And when I say I LOVE that just what I mean. I have such an appreciation for the time, thoughts, techniques, and emotion that goes into a painting, photograph, film, sculpture, musical note, combination of words and any other art form I may have forgotten. The problem I ran into was that I never took the time to go look at things for myself. I never stopped to just look at a picture let alone finish the one I have been painting. As stated I am a lover of the arts and one of favorite types is music. I am more of a soul/R & B type of lady. Don't get me wrong now when Wacka, Gucci, Jeezy. or Wayn...

Had a little more on my mind.... Ever sit back and wonder why certain things have happened to you? What would life have been like had these events not taken place? Who would you be? These questions plague my mind 24/7 365. Excessive..yeah probably. Obsessive..yeah maybe that too. But true. There are things that have happened to me that for the life of of me I have yet to understand not for lack of trying tho. I guess there are just things that you just have to learn to accept in life. Or maybe I haven't searched hard enough, haven't prayed long enough....or maybe I don't really want to know the answer. Wouldn't that be deep...if the the only reason I didn't know the answer was because I was hiding it from myself. Either Way I continue to wonder why

So here goes nothing...... These past couple of years have been..well..something. I have been trying to journal and haven't been very successful. And then it hit me....I should start blogging. I type twice as fast as I write and therefore I can keep up with my thoughts. The sad thing is this means I jumped onto this band wagon MAD late!! Which seems to be a trend for me...because while I'm just getting the hang of this most bloggers have moved on to more sophisticated blogging techniques. But enough about me being a late bloomer so to speak let's get to the good stuff.... May 1, 2010 marked a monumental occasion in my life. I sat on the grass of the Big House and listened to the President of the United States congratulate me on my accomplishments up to this point. My mother, father, grandmothers, aunt, uncles, friends and others sat in the stands and applauded me. At the end I was enraptured with what I was going to do with my life next. I told myself I was going to stay in...