And just like that.....

I have always had difficulty standing up for myself or voicing my voice as the young folks say. Speaking my mind and expressing my thoughts and ideas terrifies me. I'm not confident in my opinions and often worry that I'm wrong. These thoughts are only heightened by my ever present anxiety. I'm constantly overthinking and concerned that no one wants to hear what I have to say. To me, my thoughts don't matter to anyone other than myself. My voice often shakes and gets quiet when I'm trying to express myself. I am either worried that my opinions will harm/offend or will go unnoticed. There are several moments over the course of my life where I regret not speaking up or saying something that was on my mind. There is a constant internal struggle that happens every time I faced with a moment to express myself. More often than not, I end up silencing myself. Which I can openly admit has done nothing for me.  All I ended up with was a nagging regret that I should have sa...

For those who don't get the reference in the title, let me introduce to you Evelyn Lozada!  I know 'reality television' is the farthest thing from reality but this is by far one of my favorite 'reality' TV moments. It summed up her thoughts and feelings so concisely . It was a perpetual mood that I aspired to for a long time. I know the next question any logical person would pose is, why? Why would this be a perpetual mood I wanted to attain? For years I have lived in my head, afraid of my own voice and sharing my thoughts and opinions. I envied those that could "pop off" and voice their voice. I wanted to be able to say what I needed to say, how I wanted to say it, and without remorse. As I've continued to grow, I have learned that this attitude is not what communication is about. Being able to dismiss everyone around you and say everything the way you want to say it is not effective.  "Cussing everyone out is not self care...

2018 has been the gift that just keeps on giving. Seriously, last year was not it. I know those who know me personally are tired of hearing that from me but y'all will have to deal. 2017 whooped on me in all new ways. I was broken and tired and sad.  I was not properly taking care of myself or fully invested in the work I was doing. Very little felt positive. With that, my one 'new year's resolution' was to work towards making 2018 different. I was going to push myself out my comfort zone (in every way possible), reinvest myself in my studies, and commit to working on ME. It hasn't always been smooth but I am constantly working on recommitting myself. So here's the recap: For Colored Girls : In February, I performed in a production of 'For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Was Enough' that my talented sister directed. I had the distinct honor of portraying 'lady in green' in the production. It was difficult at seve...

Remember when I said that I was going to be more diligent about posting and keeping everyone updated on what was happening? Yeah, I don't remember that either. As of September 5, 2017, I am officially a PhD Candidate. That means that I sufficiently convinced my three person committee (all women might I add) that I know what I'm talking about and am somehow capable of writing a dissertation. This a HUGE deal. Anyone who has gone through, started or completed any amount of work towards a doctorate knows just how stressful this portion of the program is. There are actually no words that will sufficiently explain how large this achievement is. *As you can tell, this post is LATE. And I do mean late. I've been a candidate for months now. Forgive me.*