And just like that.....

I have been trying to write this post for the longest! And clearly I am still struggling. I was originally intrigued by Janelle Monae and this line ("Underdogs Stand Tall") from her Tight Rope remix. Not only did she kill her verse she got me to thinking. Underdogs are Amazing! What makes an Underdog: Well according to Merriam and Webster: An Underdog is: 1: a loser or predicted loser in a struggle or contest 2: a victim of injustice or persecution So this small little phrase stood out to me. You see I'm an underdog in just about every sense of the word. I am an African-American female. I come from a single-parent home. And I survived sexual abuse as a child. Yes, both of my parents graduated from Michigan but they were both first generation college students. Basically everything has said that I wouldn't make it out of high school let alone graduate college. And I have done both with a little bit of grace thrown in there. And as for my after college endeavor...

It really bothers me that celebrities are treated as Greek Gods now-a-days! Just because your acting ability, athleticism, writing, or lyricism sets you apart from us common folk doesn't mean that you shouldn't face your consequences. I mean if I were to get caught toting an AK47 and a pound of contraband drugs there's no telling how fast they would throw me under a jail! But that seems to be the trend for MCs today! Get caught on possession and boost your career to the next level. If you don't want to go to jail than don't do illegal things! I thought everybody knew that! I'm not down for wearing shirts that say FREE so-and-so! For what? Cause I would bet everything in my name that they wouldn't dare do the same for me! So why bother...they will probably only serve a year or less in very lavish jail, be sentenced to community service or asked to continue making movies but leave the country! What? How is that possible! Just because you provide entertainment ...

This song made me think. I hate liars. I think one of the worst things you can be is a liar, except this rule doesn't apply to myself. I have been lying to myself for years and it some ways I love it. To tell myself for all these years that I'm fine and act like nothing ever happened...that's some lie. So recently I have been trying to face myself and these lies and it's one the most difficult things I have done. All because I love the way you lied...a little bit of me too

I miss the simpler days. The days when I used to go into our basement and play my cello for hours. Not necessarily because I needed to practice but because I loved the feel of the instrument in my hands. I played everyday I could, then I came to college: And the playing stopped. And I have never been unhappier. Someone once told me you can tell how hectic a musicians life has become because they haven't touched their instrument. And I'm going through withdrawal to the max! I love music and listening to it isn't working for me anymore. I need to make/create music. There is something about feeling the music making it come from your soul and I miss it. My fingers are yearning to form notes and I'm dying to stroke the strings. I just need to play.

If only I knew! It seems that no matter what, I am just not what guys are interested in. I have never been able to understand this. I'm very understanding and don't jump to conclusions. I LOVE sports meaning we could watch the games together! I don't like romance movies meaning when we go to the movies my date wouldn't have to sit in boredom as I shed tears over the same ole generic romance plot! I tend to think I'm pretty smart...I mean I graduated from high school with an Advanced diploma and survived Michigan! People have told me I'm pretty funny so that means you would be entertained. And everyday of my life my mother made it point to tell me how beautiful I am! And even with all of this I'm still not "beating them away with a stick." And this confuses me. All my guy friends have always come to me for advice on girls..sometimes someone I'm very close to. And not to put down other people but what is that they have I don't? It just seems...

On Monday morning my mother and I made the long 8/9 hour drive back to VA! Although we were held up by a terrible accident that completely stopped traffic for about an hour and a half our drive was pretty much uneventful! I'm not exactly sure what has come over my mother, maybe she really is happy to have me home, but whatever it is I'm happy! I never thought that we could be trapped up in a car for hours and not have a single disagreement. It was great. Once we pulled up my sister was outside waiting for us and gave me the biggest hug ever! She missed me..that much! And that felt great! I stopped by old job, and though a few were thrown off by my new look, they were excited to see me and couldn't wait for me to come back. And that felt great! So as much as I was worried about coming back home everything has been working out well. Which makes me feel that at least that for now I'm supposed to be home! All I can say is that, when I make my return to Ann Arbor, and I do m...

I'm really going to miss everyone in Ann Arbor! I have so many memories and made so many wonderful friends that it's going to be hard saying goodbye! I don't have anything eloquent to say about my departure. Just know that a lot of people have impacted my life here and I don't know how I'm going to feel being so far from them all....