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And beauty is her name...

Recently I have been looking in the mirror and not understanding the person I see looking back at me. I have gone through some very significant changes. Most recently cutting off all my hair. A decision that I am too happy with. Before I just had hair and now I have a HAIR!! Something that makes me feel more feminine than when I had long hair. Which for most may be slightly backwards. And even with all of these changes I'm still not happy with me. While I want to put all the blame on society and their lack of emphasis on my type of beauty I can't. The main culprit for my lack of confidence in me, is well, ME! Well that's not entirely my fault..but that's a story for another day.

What makes things worse is that I don't know how to explain this to people. In the past when I have tried they make a face and tell me I'm crazy. I'm always the friend!! The girl all the guys come to in order to get the female perspective on my friend. While a huge part of me yearns to be that girl that guys notice across a room and takes their breath away. There are times where I think I'm attractive I can't help but compare myself to everyone around me. In doing this I have come to realize that I don't compare. It kills me to be with a group of friends and be the only one not have a number passed my way. They are always getting approached with the "Oh my you're so beautiful" line while I get the "What's up with your friend" line! How is this even possible!?! Heck if I know.

So I came to the conclusion that I would swear off the opposite sex and take some time for me. I have begun a stage of reevaluation. Working on a new me! Because in all of my comparison to others I have noticed one thing that most of them have that I don't self love! How can I expect someone to see my beauty when I don't see it myself? That's slightly backwards. Well that's entirely backwards. It doesn't make sense to ask my potential mate to love me for the both of us. That's a lot of work for one person.
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