Skip to main content

Random thoughts....

1. Sometimes I just wish people wouldn't tell me certain things. They either make me feel dumb or cause me to think about things that I don't want to.

2. Today in church my Pastor preached about being ready for the upcoming season...and that got me to thinking. Am I ready? I mean I have been trying to expand my faith and yet I still feel like I'm failing. I just feel that I'm missing out on something. A lot of what he said pertained to me. I feel like I'm not prepared for the next "season" that God has planned for me. I can't really say that I know what path my life is being moved towards. And this scares me. Because I don't know if I can let everything go and let him have the reigns. Now don't get me wrong he has always provided for me in a way that I probably don't deserve and I am beyond thankful. I just feel stagnant...

3. I really don't want to be one of those bitter women that is unhappy about everyone's happiness but at times I can't help myself. I just don't fully understand what I do wrong. It just really bugs me sometimes....

4. I really LOVE the Big Ten like love it but I think I might to have to make the SEC my mistress!!

5. If one more person speaks to me on the topic of rape like they have all answers or an understanding when I know they don't I just might go to jail for assault. How dare you tell me how a person should act after that experience? You have no idea...I promise!

6. It pains my heart that there is still so much hate in the world. I just wish more people would care for someone else other than themselves!

7. Great number...but besides that one day I will spend my whole day paying it forward.

8. Inception was a really great movie! I can't stop thinking about how invasive an idea really can be!

9. I really don't want to grow up! It terrifies me!

10. I feel so alone sometimes. Even when I'm around people.

11. I need to finish these paintings and fix my cello. I feel empty now that these 2 things aren't in my life on a consistent basis!

12. Right I should be studying but instead I feel like crying....
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Could you Speak up? I can't hear you.

I have always had difficulty standing up for myself or voicing my voice as the young folks say. Speaking my mind and expressing my thoughts and ideas terrifies me. I'm not confident in my opinions and often worry that I'm wrong. These thoughts are only heightened by my ever present anxiety. I'm constantly overthinking and concerned that no one wants to hear what I have to say. To me, my thoughts don't matter to anyone other than myself. My voice often shakes and gets quiet when I'm trying to express myself. I am either worried that my opinions will harm/offend or will go unnoticed. There are several moments over the course of my life where I regret not speaking up or saying something that was on my mind. There is a constant internal struggle that happens every time I faced with a moment to express myself. More often than not, I end up silencing myself. Which I can openly admit has done nothing for me.  All I ended up with was a nagging regret that I should have sa...
Post a Comment
Read more

You Passed

Remember when I said that I was going to be more diligent about posting and keeping everyone updated on what was happening? Yeah, I don't remember that either. As of September 5, 2017, I am officially a PhD Candidate. That means that I sufficiently convinced my three person committee (all women might I add) that I know what I'm talking about and am somehow capable of writing a dissertation. This a HUGE deal. Anyone who has gone through, started or completed any amount of work towards a doctorate knows just how stressful this portion of the program is. There are actually no words that will sufficiently explain how large this achievement is. *As you can tell, this post is LATE. And I do mean late. I've been a candidate for months now. Forgive me.* 
Post a Comment
Read more

You're A Non-Mother F*cking Factor!

For those who don't get the reference in the title, let me introduce to you Evelyn Lozada!  I know 'reality television' is the farthest thing from reality but this is by far one of my favorite 'reality' TV moments. It summed up her thoughts and feelings so concisely . It was a perpetual mood that I aspired to for a long time. I know the next question any logical person would pose is, why? Why would this be a perpetual mood I wanted to attain? For years I have lived in my head, afraid of my own voice and sharing my thoughts and opinions. I envied those that could "pop off" and voice their voice. I wanted to be able to say what I needed to say, how I wanted to say it, and without remorse. As I've continued to grow, I have learned that this attitude is not what communication is about. Being able to dismiss everyone around you and say everything the way you want to say it is not effective.  "Cussing everyone out is not self care...
Post a Comment
Read more