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The Exams are Coming!!!





The semester is officially over!!

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And while it was not an easy one, I actually did pretty well. Not as well as I had planned but given everything going on, I came out on top and that's what matters. While most people are chillin' out max and relaxin' all cool (if you don't know what this is from, you're too young to be here), I am over here preparing myself for...wait for it...qualifying exams.

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These past two years I have been a doctoral student. Taking classes to gain further knowledge and skills necessary to be a docta (just to clarify this is the PhD type not the MD type)! So, now that I have completed the required courses I need, minus a couple I need to complete to get a women's studies certificate, I am tasked with finishing and passing my exams.  These exams determine my eligibility to move into candidacy, the dissertation process.

So, no pressure.

Not really, this is me...
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This process has been a daunting one.  My depression and anxiety do not mix well with timelines, deadlines, and productivity. Like, not at all.  I took a break from Michigan and went home for my birthday, which was epic by the way!! I brought in 30 like it was my 21st, and that's all you need to know about that.

It was just the rejuvenation that I needed. My mom treated me to a spa day and I was able to see my bestie and other friends whom I haven't seen in months, which lifted my spirits.  Once I got home I was all ready to dive in (no Trey Songz) and begin reading/taking notes in preparation for my exams. Things have not happened that way at all.  Minimal progress has been made which is making me more anxious because all I keep thinking about is how much further I could be if I could just get my motivation to stay. I'm trying to be forgiving and not so hard on myself, but honestly it's not working.  I have goals and I want to do well, this just all seems to get in the way. Whenever I think I'm doing well a depressed mood creeps in like...

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Learning to be gentle with myself is a lot more difficult than I want to admit. It's taking a lot more out of me to stay positive than I thought it would.  This whole journey has been a new one and is now more difficult given that I no longer have one of my biggest supporters anymore (maybe I'll write what happened one day) mixed with mental health challenges.

If you or anyone you know has ideas on how to prepare for and things to do to de-stress let know. Seriously, let me know.
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