I have bouts of self doubt. At times it can be really bad. I've been working on re-learning to love myself. Well to love myself in general. I can't actually remember a time where I did. Which is actually hard to admit.
Like, there are honestly times when I genuinely don't like myself. And I don't mean as I person. I think I'm an amazing human being with a great personality. I'm funny, intelligent, compassionate, and understanding.
But when it comes to looks...it's a completely different story. I can look at a picture of myself and think to myself that I just took a good picture not that I'm just beautiful. People look at me all the time and tell me that I'm gorgeous, beautiful, sexy or whatever other adjective that women strive to be called. I look in the mirror and see none of that.
Because of this belief I am convinced that nobody will find me attractive and want to be with me. Sound crazy?
With all of that being said I spoke to my mentor about my particular inclination that I will be single forever (I conveniently didn't mention my disdain for myself) but she was extremely understanding and told me that I really need to change my thinking. Yes, I'm single. It's not a negative thing though. During this time I have made a lot of strides towards bettering myself: therapy, getting into grad school, moving back to MI and a plethora of other things. I have come a long way but my journey is far from over.
My new long term goal is to get to a place where I think this:
Like, there are honestly times when I genuinely don't like myself. And I don't mean as I person. I think I'm an amazing human being with a great personality. I'm funny, intelligent, compassionate, and understanding.
But when it comes to looks...it's a completely different story. I can look at a picture of myself and think to myself that I just took a good picture not that I'm just beautiful. People look at me all the time and tell me that I'm gorgeous, beautiful, sexy or whatever other adjective that women strive to be called. I look in the mirror and see none of that.
Because of this belief I am convinced that nobody will find me attractive and want to be with me. Sound crazy?
Yeah. I know.
I can't help the way I feel though.
With all of that being said I spoke to my mentor about my particular inclination that I will be single forever (I conveniently didn't mention my disdain for myself) but she was extremely understanding and told me that I really need to change my thinking. Yes, I'm single. It's not a negative thing though. During this time I have made a lot of strides towards bettering myself: therapy, getting into grad school, moving back to MI and a plethora of other things. I have come a long way but my journey is far from over.
My new long term goal is to get to a place where I think this:
is beautiful!!
If you care to help me feel free to toss some encouraging word my way!
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