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Heavy Heart

I'm not too sure what is up with me. But right now my heart feels like it weighs a ton! I should be thrilled because I'm going on a trip this weekend. But I guess I just have some things on my heart that I haven't released.

Today I have been bothered with my job. I just feel so under appreciated and over worked. At times i feel like they all the work I do goes unnoticed. So today I decided to speak up and express how I'm feeling about something and then I feel as if I was made to feel bad. I mean I never take breaks I never think of myself and when I do it back fires. I'm just worried now that people won't take me seriously now. I'm just over this job. And necessarily in a negative way but I think it's time for me to move on. I need a job related to sports to help prepare me for grad school.

For a while I was feeling kind of good about myself. I have been working out a lot lately and I've been pretty consistent. There was even a guy who showed interest in me but then he just lost interest in me. Now I'm starting to think that I'm undesirable...

I have been telling myself that I need to go to church and continue building my relationship with God and for some reason I have lost motivation to go. I do miss my church in Ann Arbor. But that should not be an excuse for me not to go to church. On Sundays I wake up with enough time to get ready and I still don't go. I'm not really sure what my deal is? I need to figure out what is really holding me back.

My mom has been on me about returning to therapy. There have been a lot of revelations lately that I need to take up in therapy and I have been shamming! I am not taking care of myself at all. I haven't made necessary doctors appointments and haven't looked into therapy. Part of feels like I don't need and another part feels as if I don't deserve it.
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