And just like that.....

I had a wonderful Christmas...and I mean that! I had a great time with my family, we had a delicious dinner, I got to watch some Christmas Day basketball BUT now I'm sad. I don't want to talk about it...I just don't want to be sad anymore

I need to understand what is it about me that has guys no interested in me. I just want to know what it is! So if anyone has an explanation or idea pleas let me in on it! OK Thanks.

Everyone gets caught up on the big things! Everyone waits for the big thing but in real life it's the little things. I have learned over the years because the gifts I remember the most weren't always bought in the store and if they were they weren't expensive! So I encourage everyone to smile at everyone they can and say thank you when it matters! I'm really trying to do this because you never know how much that matters to people.

I learned this little saying about a year and a half ago. And I have to say that it can be very useful. I am trying to motivate myself to do all the things that I need to be doing. Making some New Year's resolutions before the New Year. 1. Start going back to church. I never knew that leaving my church family could be so hard! I miss them...I need to find a new one but I have been shamming! 2. Get on top of Grad school and the GRE!! I think I'm just scared to go through applying and preparing to be in school again! I know that if I don't I will get antsy soon because I'm not really a person that likes to just sit there and do nothing! 3. 2 months ago I sent a letter to the first female football coach and have yet to hear anything back from her. And I know that I need to send a follow-up letter. I just haven't yet... 4. I went and bought new running shoes and workout pants in the hopes that this wold motivate me to be more diligent with my health...and to an extent i...

OH THAT'S RIGHT HE IS!!! Dear Media and everyone else Barack Obama IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!! Get over it! It kills me that people still refer to him as Mr. Obama! Ummmm Nixon who lied to the entire country still gets the title "Former President Nixon" so why can't the current President be granted the same respect! So what you didn't vote for him...some of you might not even think he's a citizen (even though Hawaii is one of the 50 states)...and heck some of you might not like half of him. But irregardless of those things he won (there was no re-count in Florida on this one) so give him a little respect! Goodness!!

When I bought the Soloist I also picked up this book! Because right now my 2 loves are MUSIC and COLLEGE FOOTBALL!! So this book is amazing! A large part of me wants to change all the pronouns in this book! Because I'm tired of all this his this...and his that! I mean what does that mean for me? I'm not a him...it almost makes it seem that I can't lead a team...that he's the only one that can do it! I don't believe that! And I'm trying to change that....but being history in the making is difficult! I kind of don't know where to go from here!

God sure does work in mysterious ways! I know people say this all the time and it can get kind of old...until it happens to you! I was supposed to work today but my "big sister" had to have surgery and needed someone to take care of her for most of the day until my was able to take over the reigns. At this point I'm freaking out because I hate calling off work. For most people this isn't that big a deal but to me making a commitment is a big deal...and plus Direct Loans wants their money! BUT I also didn't want my "big sister" sitting alone not able to take care of herself. I decided to call off work and stay with her. This turns out to be a good thing. While I'm with her a woman she attends church with stops by for a visit and is asking me all types of questions. We begin talking about how I just graduated from Michigan and that I was taking time off before applying to grad school. I told her I was working at Trader Joe's.....and then she offers...

Tonight is the homecoming of King Baby Bron Bron (that is the nickname I have given him.) I have never been a huge fan of Bron Bron...NO, I am not a hater he's a GREAT player. His game has evolved immensely since his debut in the league and he is a major threat any time he sets foot onto the court. BUT I just don't like him. I don't think that he has respect for the game and other athletes. And his little prime time show solidified my beliefs. I have my own opinions about that...but the point of this post was to offer a little suggestion to the fans of Cleveland. I can semi-accept that they're feelings have been hurt. I mean they made this man a "King." They spent thousands of dollars and endorsed this man to no end. Without the fans of Cleveland Bron Bron would just be some other player. So I get it they were hurt. But come on already...trust me I have been thoroughly entertained by all the commercials (especially Michael Jordan's response!) Honestly the ...

So today I bought myself some sexy new Beats by Dre headphones! And I am in LOVE!! The sound is amazing. Which just makes the music sound fantastic. But that's not entirely what this post is about...I just started reading the soloists...which has me longing for my cello even more! I N.E.E.D. my music back in my life! Reading about this man who loves his music that much makes my heart hurt from the yearn of my own. So I was inspired buy 2 things: 1. This quote: Next Comes Ernest Bloch's Rhapsody for Cello , which begins as a slow, poetic lament. Nathaniel's bow is a fluid and obdient slave, his fingers dancing ballet on the fresh-varnished neck, and the music cuts him off from noise, worry, fear, illness." This is how I feel when I play. I can't wait to have this back. 2. I listened to probably one of my favorite Classical pieces Montagues and Capulets by Sergey Prokkofiev! The headphones almost make me feel like I'm playing again! It's awesome!

So I was reading my bestie's blog the other day AND she had this very genius post and I'm stealing it from her. Here goes nothing: Person 1: Our relationship is estranged. I have been trying to make it stronger and at times I am very promising and others I fail miserably. I owe you nothing but thanks and gratitude but there some tough issues that I grapple with. I am trying to come to terms with a lot of tings. Please don't give up on me. Person 2: Since we have met you have done nothing but make my life more enjoyable! My experience would not have been so great if not for you. I have watched you grow and mature into an amazing young woman. And at times you are an inspiration to me! Thanks for allowing me to call you my friend...cause I know not all get that privilege. You're simply the BEST. Person 3: I started a new journey about a year ago..and somewhere along this road I have gotten stuck in a ditch somewhere. You see at some point I am supposed to forgive you for w...

For some reason relationships have been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not sure why...maybe it's because everywhere I turn around there is a newly blossoming relationship or talk of an old one...OR maybe I'm just ready for my own! To the love of my life: So when I first started writing this post I was under the impression that it would about the man of my dreams that I haven't met yet (or maybe I already have and didn't know it). But then it hit me....you should be the love of your life! I mean who should I always be able to depend on? Other than God of course...myself! Now in no way am I saying that I have completely given up hope on finding "him" but while my search continues I will be doing things that strengthen me! Get on the road to doing activities I enjoy. Making myself smile. Being happy on my own. Giving back to those around me. So for right I'm working on being in love with myself. And I until I find someone that can top me (which will be har...

Dear J.K. Rowling: I just have to tell you that I Love You! Not in a weird lesbian way but in a crazed teenage fan sort of way! Thank you for Harry Potter! And I mean that from the bottom of my very soul! I will never be a traitor and watch New Moon or whatever it is with the flozzy young girl, vampire, and werewolf! My heart will forever be yours (although I did watch and I admit enjoy Lord of Rings). You are great! And I can't wait for November 19th! Thank you once again! You are simply the bestest!

Let me be honest I was not all for Michigan hiring Rich Rod 3 years ago when Lloyd Carr decided to leave. I thought it was mighty bold of the Wolverines not to look into Ron English for head coach. He made the defense what it was! But once I got over that I was all ready for Les Miles to win his championship with LSU and then become a Wolverine (I mean he wanted the job back when Lloyd Carr was given the position). AND then drama ensued and Les Miles wasn't even given the opportunity to accept the position. So the powers that be decided on Rich Rod. Now I commended him for the work he did at West Virgina but I wasn't sure how he would fair at Michigan. I mean I love his style of offense and how fast paced he runs it. When he was given the job I humbly accepted that he was my (and yes I said my) coach! I defended him his first season explaining to people that he was a new coach bringing in a whole new style of offense with a young team. The second season I thought there was hope...

I HATE/DESPISE when people use the word inappropriately. As in: "That test raped me!" or "I was raped by that game!" WTF!!!! I promise you that failing that exam or losing in that video game is nothing like being raped! Absolutely nothing! I know that there are other terms that people, myself included, use on a regular basis but this is one that gets to me! Every time I hear this word I cringe and become uncomfortable! It brings up unresolved emotions for me at the most inopportune times.

President Obama: There is no way that I have lost hope in you! I still have faith that you are the change that America is in need of! But I am afraid that you have lost yourself a bit. I know that you have inherited quiet a mess. My only concern is that you have lost some or your spunk! Where is that feisty senator from Illinois that took no crap! What happened? I understand that you took on one of, if not, the toughest job in the country! But I feel that this new complacent, let's make everyone happy attitude is not working for you. I didn't miss class and stand in line for hours to make sure my vote was counted in order for you to just let things happen! Bring back the fight Mr. President. I know now that things are going to be harder because the House and Senate are no longer in your corner. But this means your fight has to be tougher, your bite just that much harder! Whenever you're down just remember that under the bludgeonings of chance your head is bloody but unbowed...

It's Halloween! And you know what that means? Half-naked women walking around like this is acceptable! It irks my nerves that this holiday is an excuse to be a flozzy, tramp, hoe...and any other word you want to use! Needless to say I refused to succumb to this nonsense!! Therefore I went as Michael Vick...Dog and all! Judge all you want...but I was fully dressed!

Last year in September I made a huge decision. I decided that I was going to get tattoos. Now for most people that might not be a big deal but for me it was. My whole life I have been against tattoos. I could never understand why people would be willing to permanently mark their bodies. And then I began a new journey and realized the beauty and meaning that come with some tattoos. So I sat down and consulted with close friends about what type of tattoos I should get. We decided upon Adinkra Symbols; which are West African symbols. I then had to figure out a place for these meaningful tattoos. And of course I had to pick a good place to get them done. SO let me break it down: 1. Symbols: I choose Adinkra Symbols because I have always had a sort of complex with being black. I grew up in a predominately white neighborhood where I felt that I was constantly on display. Every where I went I was the ONLY black girl. And it wasn't that I didn't want to be black but I just wanted to bl...

First: NYC was GREAT!!! Well let me elaborate. My mom, sister, and I just went to New York City for a few days to celebrate my mom and one of my sisters birthdays. We had a pretty good time! There wasn't a lot of complaining or arguing! Which with my sisters is a blessing!! All-in-all I loved it in New York! I won't be moving there any time soon...a little too much going on for me! But to visit..YES! Second: I never understood how love could hurt so much. But I have been introduced to that pain and now wish I never had the pleasure of knowing it. Well that's unfair..I just wish it didn't have to hurt so bad. I know what it feels like to love and that feeling is great. You can't have one without the other..I accept that. It's just never any fun to love someone who gives their love to another person. How do I tell you that I just want you to love me again? Third: I have begun reading The Alchemist which was recommended to me by a great woman! And this book is slo...

I have been reading a lot of blog posts, reading articles, and listening to hear-say about the Black Man! I'm sad to say that it has been all negative! This completely saddens my heart. I absolutely love black men and I mean this. There is nothing I want more than to be madly in love with an amazing black man...again! Now don't get me wrong there are some bad seeds in all races but that in no way says that all black men are unworthy! I feel that all of us have been influenced by the negative images media releases! And personally I think that Black women have taken heed to these the most. I have been involved in numerous conversations where fellow friends try to convince me that there are no good black men left in the world. Maybe I'm naive but I refuse to believe that. No person is perfect, which means no man will be. I'm not saying lower your standards but I do feel that you need to have realistic ones. If you want a man that is intelligent, put together, caring compas...

Today when I got off of work I walked into my bedroom to see an envelope sitting on my bed!! And I knew once I picked it up that it was my degree! And I have not been able to stop smiling! A lot of MONEY, Stress, Tears, Energy, Time, Effort, and any other adjective you want to insert went into this small piece of paper. I am so thankful to have this and thankful for all the people that were placed in my life to help me accomplish this! I am just glad to say that I am officially an Alum!

Everyone once and awhile BS stations like MTV strike gold with a few of their reality shows. Although they continue to pollute my mind with Jersey Shore they come across a couple gems. Thank you MTV for World of Jenks and Buried Life . I initially thought these shows were going to be full of garbage. But after watching an episode of each I have done a 180 so to say. The Buried Life is about a group of 4 friends that are on a quest to check things off of their bucket list. But while in the midst of doing this they help someone else check one off of theirs. While this sounds simple it turns out to be so much more. They are allowing people to accomplish things that they never thought possible. And I think it's a great thing. They may do some stupid things but in the end I feel the positivity they are spreading. But this post was inspired by World of Jenks . Jenks is a film student and spends a week living with different people. This past episode he spent a week with Anthony "Sh...

I don't have a creative title for this one. I just figured that would get straight to the point... I AM BEGINNING TO LOATHE SOCIAL NETWORKS! And I mean this. Yes, they have made people more accessible to me but that have butchered everything else. I no longer understand human interaction. My thoughts and actions are being consumed by my standings on these sights. And for what? An extra follower? What does that really matter. Honestly, it's not my job to keep you entertained and if you really found me entertaining why don't you just hang out with me in person. I feel that the reason I don't fully understand people is because I am being cut off from them. I was never taught how to properly communicate because society was too busy keeping me technologically savvy! Children are learning improper English because they rely so much on text, facebook, and twitter. Mind you I have a phone with unlimited text, a facebook page, I tweet, and I started a blog because I wasn't ab...

So I have been pretty bad with keeping everyone updated about my life. Mostly because there is nothing really new to update. I still have the same job, got a slight "promotion." But other than that nothing much is going on. I'm still single, plan on attending grad school, not positive exactly what field of Sports Administration I want to focus in, waiting to get my cello so that I can play again, and I think that's about it. See nothing exciting.

I have tried to stay away from BET and shows like 106 & Park. I love my people and I hate that the channel dedicated to us barely does anything to uplift us. It pains my soul...like literally. Why is that we can't do anything to make ourselves look better. There are so many African American people doing uplifting and positive things in this country and the channel dedicated to African Americans does nothing to show that. While I understand that 106 is supposed to be about the music I just think that it could be done with so much more class and taste. Let's take for example Wale. Everyone knows how I feel about this man (I LOVE HIM!) So of course when this past Wednesday when I happened to catch 106 and saw that Wale's Guilty Pleasure (No Hands) was on the countdown I was ecstatic. BUT I started thinking, "Why is it this song that makes the countdown?" Wale is an AMAZING lyricists and his songs that highlight that get no play. I mean Diary which is an amazing...

"I wanna go to a place where I'm suspended on ecstasy Somewhere between dark and light" I love when something has been on my mind and everything around me seems to run perpendicular with my thoughts. Here is what I mean by that: I have really been thinking about the meaning of Time! And I have just started reading The Diagnosis by Alan Lightman. Which at first glance would have nothing to do with time but in a way it does. The book focuses around a guy who has been overcome by some strange illness and no one seems to know what is wrong with him. But I have discovered an underlying theme about a sense of urgency. In the beginning the main character was intent on finding out what was wrong with him. Not necessarily what it was but just getting a diagnosis as quickly as possible. Then he loses his job because he fail behind. His own son even communicates with him via email. His whole life was consumed with how quickly things can get accomplished. But because of his illness ...

"When the Armageddon's dark and dread A lot of weak hearted weep and moan Only the strong will continue Do you have it in you? Come, we've got a journey to come And when the battle get sour and dread A lot of weak hearted wither and moan Only the strong will continue I know you have it in you" So a really good friend has introduced me to an album that I normally wouldn't be interested in: Distant Relatives by Nas & Damian "Jr Gong" Marley. Surprisingly, I'm truly enjoying this album! I have been listening to it for the past 3 days. Now this CD didn't lead to this blog but the words to a lot of these songs speak to me. I have recently been saddened but a lot of things happening in the black community lately. I LOVE my people and that I come from a community of rich and painful roots. There is so much to learn and knowledge to gain that I doubt I will be able to absorb it all. But I have been plagued with the idea that the black community is i...

I have been struggling with the thought of this post for a long time. In my very first post I disclosed that I have tried journaling as a way to organize my thoughts and I wasn't very successful. Because of this I turned to blogging. And if I was going to do this than I need to be able to honestly write about everything. This post will be dedicated to a large part of my life that makes me who I am: a survivor. Now I know that his statement is quite vague in it's nature. When I say survivor I mean this: when I was 7 or 8 I was raped by an older cousin. So in essence I survived that. It has taken a lot for me to be able to be honest with myself about this situation. This is something that I have tried to keep locked somewhere deep inside of me. I didn't tell my mom about the situation until I was in junior high school. My mother believed me but she then decided to tell my aunt and we all had to have a "discussion" about what happened. Which at this point in my life ...

I have been trying to write this post for the longest! And clearly I am still struggling. I was originally intrigued by Janelle Monae and this line ("Underdogs Stand Tall") from her Tight Rope remix. Not only did she kill her verse she got me to thinking. Underdogs are Amazing! What makes an Underdog: Well according to Merriam and Webster: An Underdog is: 1: a loser or predicted loser in a struggle or contest 2: a victim of injustice or persecution So this small little phrase stood out to me. You see I'm an underdog in just about every sense of the word. I am an African-American female. I come from a single-parent home. And I survived sexual abuse as a child. Yes, both of my parents graduated from Michigan but they were both first generation college students. Basically everything has said that I wouldn't make it out of high school let alone graduate college. And I have done both with a little bit of grace thrown in there. And as for my after college endeavor...

It really bothers me that celebrities are treated as Greek Gods now-a-days! Just because your acting ability, athleticism, writing, or lyricism sets you apart from us common folk doesn't mean that you shouldn't face your consequences. I mean if I were to get caught toting an AK47 and a pound of contraband drugs there's no telling how fast they would throw me under a jail! But that seems to be the trend for MCs today! Get caught on possession and boost your career to the next level. If you don't want to go to jail than don't do illegal things! I thought everybody knew that! I'm not down for wearing shirts that say FREE so-and-so! For what? Cause I would bet everything in my name that they wouldn't dare do the same for me! So why bother...they will probably only serve a year or less in very lavish jail, be sentenced to community service or asked to continue making movies but leave the country! What? How is that possible! Just because you provide entertainment ...

This song made me think. I hate liars. I think one of the worst things you can be is a liar, except this rule doesn't apply to myself. I have been lying to myself for years and it some ways I love it. To tell myself for all these years that I'm fine and act like nothing ever happened...that's some lie. So recently I have been trying to face myself and these lies and it's one the most difficult things I have done. All because I love the way you lied...a little bit of me too

I miss the simpler days. The days when I used to go into our basement and play my cello for hours. Not necessarily because I needed to practice but because I loved the feel of the instrument in my hands. I played everyday I could, then I came to college: And the playing stopped. And I have never been unhappier. Someone once told me you can tell how hectic a musicians life has become because they haven't touched their instrument. And I'm going through withdrawal to the max! I love music and listening to it isn't working for me anymore. I need to make/create music. There is something about feeling the music making it come from your soul and I miss it. My fingers are yearning to form notes and I'm dying to stroke the strings. I just need to play.

If only I knew! It seems that no matter what, I am just not what guys are interested in. I have never been able to understand this. I'm very understanding and don't jump to conclusions. I LOVE sports meaning we could watch the games together! I don't like romance movies meaning when we go to the movies my date wouldn't have to sit in boredom as I shed tears over the same ole generic romance plot! I tend to think I'm pretty smart...I mean I graduated from high school with an Advanced diploma and survived Michigan! People have told me I'm pretty funny so that means you would be entertained. And everyday of my life my mother made it point to tell me how beautiful I am! And even with all of this I'm still not "beating them away with a stick." And this confuses me. All my guy friends have always come to me for advice on girls..sometimes someone I'm very close to. And not to put down other people but what is that they have I don't? It just seems...

On Monday morning my mother and I made the long 8/9 hour drive back to VA! Although we were held up by a terrible accident that completely stopped traffic for about an hour and a half our drive was pretty much uneventful! I'm not exactly sure what has come over my mother, maybe she really is happy to have me home, but whatever it is I'm happy! I never thought that we could be trapped up in a car for hours and not have a single disagreement. It was great. Once we pulled up my sister was outside waiting for us and gave me the biggest hug ever! She missed me..that much! And that felt great! I stopped by old job, and though a few were thrown off by my new look, they were excited to see me and couldn't wait for me to come back. And that felt great! So as much as I was worried about coming back home everything has been working out well. Which makes me feel that at least that for now I'm supposed to be home! All I can say is that, when I make my return to Ann Arbor, and I do m...

I'm really going to miss everyone in Ann Arbor! I have so many memories and made so many wonderful friends that it's going to be hard saying goodbye! I don't have anything eloquent to say about my departure. Just know that a lot of people have impacted my life here and I don't know how I'm going to feel being so far from them all....

In about 4 days I will be saying farewell to Ann Arbor. And like I said before I'm excited to be going home but there is also a saddens that surrounds my move. I have done a lot of growing, changing, experiencing, and evolving here! So to have to say farewell to all of that is going to be difficult. I will miss: 1. Second Baptist!! I learned a lot about myself at this church. I am glad to call this my church home because without them I would probably be a hot mess! The one thing I can say faithfully is that my journey with them is not over! There are still things that need to be done here I will be back! 2. My friends!! I have met so many different people here. Some that will never leave, some that kept me entertained during class and others that I have drifted away from. But they all had a part in Michigan experience. 3. Gamma Delta! I have been through a lot with these young women and couldn't have asked to be part of a better, more productive, or more illustrious chapter!! T...

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited to go home. I usually hesitate when it comes time for me to answer. I'm trying to make it seem like I hate Michigan because I don't. I have accomplished a lot since I have been here and that's nothing to look over. But truthfully I have never really been a big fan of Michigan. Not because I don't like the school or anything but because I can't do cold weather and covert racist people. I just don't know how to tell everyone that I hold so dear to me that a little piece of my heart has always been in VA! There is just something about that place that just speaks to me. I love the dedication to culture, weather, Metro, and not to mention my mother and sisters are there. So I guess to answer everyone's question: YES!!! I can't wait to see what is waiting for me when I head home! No longer do I want to look at my move in a negative light I am prayerful that something good will come from this! I'm just excited to ...

I think that I have out-grown a friendship. The thing is I don't know what to do about the situation. I mean I care about this person and at one time cared about them as more than just a friend but I'm not sure where we are right now. I mean in reference to our friendship. We started out as friends and then things evolved into a relationship only to disintegrate back into a friendship. Not that anything is wrong with that but right now I'm sure if I want to even be friends anymore. And no nothing terrible was done to me, I don't hate him or anything, actually he's the only male friend that I tell my deep and darkest secrets to, but I just don't know anymore. As much as I have grown I feel like he hasn't. Yes, he has gotten older, gotten involved in a new relationship, and even ventured onto grad school. With all of this he still seems stagnant. The same issues still keep him up at night, he still makes the same comments, his thought process is still the same...

I don't think that I can express my love of college football enough. I really don't even know where to begin! There is something about it! It does something to me. There is nothing like a Saturday afternoon in September. The excitement, the love, the heart! To me it's something that every other sport doesn't have. Which is why when my dad text me with this proposition I couldn't refuse. Early this morning my dad picked me up and took me to Jackson, MI to help with a football camp was being held. To most this may not be exciting but I couldn't wait to stand on the field and watch my dad in action. As I walked down the sideline it hit me that this is where I needed to be. I had no complaints the whole day actually I kind of felt at peace the whole day. I loved the sound of the whistles, watching the drills, I just loved it all. I honestly can't do anything else with my life!! I have to coach college football!! There is just nothing like it! And I hope to one d...

After Bible Study last night something hit me; that I have the tendency to be apathetic about things that happen to me in life. I'm willing to just see what happens. Which at times can be a good thing but I have come to realize it hasn't been working for me. There are some things that I need to be more proactive about: 1. My relationship with God. See it's not just enough that I am saved. There is way more to being connected to God then going to church one day a week and telling people that I'm a Christian. While I'm not going to be perfect there are numerous things that I can be doing to strengthen and expand my faith. Beginning with what I do at home. I have always thought that it was possible to just read the Bible once maybe twice a week, pray when I was need of something and everything be OK. This I have come to realize is not true. In order to have the relationship with God that I desire I need to be in constant communication with the Lord. And this has to sta...

No this isn't a post about one day when I woke and couldn't remember the night before nor about how hilariously funny the movie is...but about how I will miss two very important people in my life. Since my time in Michigan I have met a lot of people. And a few of them will be friends forever but these two amazing and dynamic women are something special. What I will miss most is moments like this sitting up eating Coconut shrimp and laughing at the nonsense that is The Hangover. You see being a Michigan student it's very hard to not be surrounded around academics. There are not many opportunities in which we can sit and be people. And I love the two of them because I am able to just be me. They know everything there is to know about me and accept me. And I haven't really found that since the 4th grade! But I say all of this to say that I will miss them so much when I'm all the way in VA! But I do believe that no matter what the distance I will always have Christina C...

I have been going crazy for the past couple of days!!! Not for the obvious reasons of school but because Wale dropped is new Mixtape More About Nothing ! As I sit here finally having the chance to listen to it I am more than impressed!!! Not just because it's Wale but because of what he has done with this mixtape. This is not just a mixtape to be a mixtape. It's clear that Wale is a lyricists to the fullest. I find myself re-listening to lyrics in order to catch what he is doing!! At this point I think he needs to venture into releasing a spoken word album. This is what hip hop is all about! I should be able to listen to an album/mixtape and feel like I gained brain cells..not lost some! Every thing is clever from the lyrics to the intro to the songs! I'm in love! Now if only my ipod would unfreeze so I could put on there!!

This entire blog will be dedicated to The Greatest rapper EVER (well in my eyes at least) WALE!!!! Tomorrow his mixtape More About Nothing drops! And I am EXCITED!!!! And I don't even think that's the right word! I can't wait. I have never been on top of mixtapes and blah blah but I have to have this one!! Like it's imperative to my life at this point! I can't even describe how giddy it makes me!! I have lost the ability to be eloquent I just need this mixtape!! Oh yeah and to meet him in person!! Alright I'm done ranting about Wale!!!

1. Sometimes I just wish people wouldn't tell me certain things. They either make me feel dumb or cause me to think about things that I don't want to. 2. Today in church my Pastor preached about being ready for the upcoming season...and that got me to thinking. Am I ready? I mean I have been trying to expand my faith and yet I still feel like I'm failing. I just feel that I'm missing out on something. A lot of what he said pertained to me. I feel like I'm not prepared for the next "season" that God has planned for me. I can't really say that I know what path my life is being moved towards. And this scares me. Because I don't know if I can let everything go and let him have the reigns. Now don't get me wrong he has always provided for me in a way that I probably don't deserve and I am beyond thankful. I just feel stagnant... 3. I really don't want to be one of those bitter women that is unhappy about everyone's happiness but at times...

Recently I have been looking in the mirror and not understanding the person I see looking back at me. I have gone through some very significant changes. Most recently cutting off all my hair. A decision that I am too happy with. Before I just had hair and now I have a HAIR!! Something that makes me feel more feminine than when I had long hair. Which for most may be slightly backwards. And even with all of these changes I'm still not happy with me. While I want to put all the blame on society and their lack of emphasis on my type of beauty I can't. The main culprit for my lack of confidence in me, is well, ME! Well that's not entirely my fault..but that's a story for another day. What makes things worse is that I don't know how to explain this to people. In the past when I have tried they make a face and tell me I'm crazy. I'm always the friend!! The girl all the guys come to in order to get the female perspective on my friend. While a huge part of me yearns ...

I have been dying...and I do mean dying for football season to start. Why? Because I just absolutely LOVE Football!!! And no, not for the heavenly built men in spandex pants, although at times that doesn't hurt, but because i love the sounds of the audibles being called, the whistles being blown, and the crunching sounds of the pads when an amazing tackle has been made! All in all I love football for the game! I have always amazed guys with my vast knowledge, understanding, and pure love for the sport. So much so that most don't think I know what I'm talking about until they get riled up and I just can't stop talking about it. So I'm used to being underestimated but this has only worsened as I continue to move out of my tom-boy faze and into a more womanly one. Guys she edgy haircut, big hoop earrings, and fitted clothes and assume that I have no desire to spend my Saturday yelling at a game that I only wish I could be at! Little do they know that I will throw on my...

So this past weekend was the Art fair. And seeing that I am never up here for the festivities I decided to join some friends as they did a mini walk through. Which I have come to discover was a good and bad thing. While I was able to pick up a few cards of some great artists I realized that I wasn't able to do the art fair justice. What most don't know about me is that I LOVE art. And when I say I LOVE that just what I mean. I have such an appreciation for the time, thoughts, techniques, and emotion that goes into a painting, photograph, film, sculpture, musical note, combination of words and any other art form I may have forgotten. The problem I ran into was that I never took the time to go look at things for myself. I never stopped to just look at a picture let alone finish the one I have been painting. As stated I am a lover of the arts and one of favorite types is music. I am more of a soul/R & B type of lady. Don't get me wrong now when Wacka, Gucci, Jeezy. or Wayn...

Had a little more on my mind.... Ever sit back and wonder why certain things have happened to you? What would life have been like had these events not taken place? Who would you be? These questions plague my mind 24/7 365. Excessive..yeah probably. Obsessive..yeah maybe that too. But true. There are things that have happened to me that for the life of of me I have yet to understand not for lack of trying tho. I guess there are just things that you just have to learn to accept in life. Or maybe I haven't searched hard enough, haven't prayed long enough....or maybe I don't really want to know the answer. Wouldn't that be deep...if the the only reason I didn't know the answer was because I was hiding it from myself. Either Way I continue to wonder why

So here goes nothing...... These past couple of years have been..well..something. I have been trying to journal and haven't been very successful. And then it hit me....I should start blogging. I type twice as fast as I write and therefore I can keep up with my thoughts. The sad thing is this means I jumped onto this band wagon MAD late!! Which seems to be a trend for me...because while I'm just getting the hang of this most bloggers have moved on to more sophisticated blogging techniques. But enough about me being a late bloomer so to speak let's get to the good stuff.... May 1, 2010 marked a monumental occasion in my life. I sat on the grass of the Big House and listened to the President of the United States congratulate me on my accomplishments up to this point. My mother, father, grandmothers, aunt, uncles, friends and others sat in the stands and applauded me. At the end I was enraptured with what I was going to do with my life next. I told myself I was going to stay in...