And just like that.....

     I came across this quote in a friend's blog and I haven't been able to forget it. It just lingers on my mind like words I should have said. I have always wondered why reading is still stigmatized. What's wrong with reading a good book every once and a while? Why are children teased for having library cards and walking around with freshly uncreased books instead of shiny new game systems? What does it say about a people when their prized positions don't consist of literature?      Personally, I have always loved to read! It's always been one of my favorite things to do. My mother made it a huge point to make sure that we had access to all types of books. Granted, when I got to college my reading for pleasure declined because honestly, who has time for that?? No, but really! Now, that I have graduated from undergrad I have had a little more time to sit back and read! Let me tell you, I missed reading. I can't imagine a world without books! T...

Rape is never a fucking joke!  I will never understand how people can continue to make jokes about this topic. I just can't deal with it....no matter how I try to ignore it honestly bothers me. It is not, nor will it, ever be funny!! Ever!

     In our, "we need everything now," society people have grown impatient. We hate waiting. It's a hassle to wait for a response to a text message, phone call, or email. There is no reason why we should have to wait for a grade to be posted or sit in the waiting room for the doctor to see us. Aprrentaly, there is just no valid reason to wait.       Which probably explains this recent aversion to dating. Dating equates to time! Time to figure out if you really like this person, time to go/plan dates, TIME, TIME, TIME! Now-a-days the process goes like this: 1. You like me? 2. Good I like you too!! 3. You want to be my boy/girlfriend 4. Great! We're a couple now!      Hopefully, you all see the problem with this! There needs to be a 2.5 and 3.5!! Just because you're physically attracted to someone doesn't mean you're compatible. Hence, taking your time to date (the 2.5.) People need to take time to figure these iss...

I have been off of work since September 19th and one would think that I would be losing my mind. While there are days I am sitting in my house pulling my hair out I have been surprisingly content. Which is more than a blessing. I have been able to take care of myself and not stress too much. So with that being said here's the rundown: 1. I have a freaking cast!! I have never broken anything so this is new to me! I HATE IT!!  Mostly because it's on my dominate hand and my whole life has been complicated! All of this for a torn/out of place tendon. Which mind you I hurt in July! Either way I'm trying to let my wrist heal and all that jazz. Just know that because it's hard to type it will be harder for me to post. 2. I just received another heart break. I have really been trying to not let this bother me but it's hard. I have always been good enough to be a friend or almost a Girlfriend but never that. At some point you stop thinking that something is wrong with ev...

I will be on groupie status in a week!!! I can't wait!! Wale released "Slight Work" ft. Big Sean today! I LOVE!! I'm telling you groupie status!!

I think I'm going to marry this man!!!

I LOVE MUSIC!!!! LOVE...LOVE...LOVE...LOVE....LOVE...LOVE...LOVE!!! I don't think I can express that enough! These are some of the reasons why!!

 Occupy Wall Street has been all over the news and stirring up much controversy. When I first heard about the protest I thought that it would die down within a couple of days. Unfortunately, I think that Americans are fickle and have a short attention span for social movements these days. To my surprise, the movement has not only been sustained but also growing. I'm glad that Americans are standing for what thy believe in. After all the civil unrest that has happened around the world it's about time that Americans, living in the land of the free, fight for they believe in. There is no apparent leader to the Occupy Wall Street movement. Which can be seen as a positive and negative aspect. There are also many different demands coming from the people. The one common amongst all protestors is that they are tired of being mistreated and ignored. Big corporations are running America and things couldn't be worse. I'm still researching the movement but as of right now I ca...

Recently I have been feeling really invisible , not just to other people but to myself. I feel like nobody cares what's going on with me or just check up on me. I end up initiating a lot of contact. Not really a fan of that. It makes me feel like I'm begging for attention. It would just be nice if everyone who "misses" me so much would actually show it. As for being invisible to myself, I feel like I'm suppressing lots of issues. I'm hiding these from myself which has me feeling like I'm searching for me. I guess I'm just feeling vulnerable.

A couple of days ago I watched a special about hunger in America. It was really touching because it focused on everyday families who because of this economy have recently hit harder times. They were realizing that healthy eating is a right of the privileged (which seems backwards to me.) The special was sponsored my Sesame Street and many of the accounts were from the perspective of the children. While watching this episode I was reminded of this fantastic poem I came across on youtube which discusses hunger from a young person's perspective. After watching the special and listening to this poem again inspired me to sign up to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Not just for Christmas but regularly. I take so much for granted and I was reminded of that. Hopefully,  I will be granted that opportunity soon.

I was granted the chance to see part of Kim Kardashian's wedding! -__- Let me tell you that it was awful! I honestly could care less about their wedding. I'm glad they found each other and hope that have many loving and successful yeas together. No, really I do! I know how divorce affects everyone involved so I would wish that on anyone. With all if that being said I couldn't help but being in a constant state of annoyance the entire 2 hours!! Mostly because of Kim. I can not stand women who claim that a wedding is theirs!!! Really?? There is no groom involved. His voice and special touches don't matter?! Then why are you marrying him? I don't think that I could ever treat my future husband like that. To spend the rest of our lives together and know that I completely excluded him from such a big moment in our lives saddens me. Why would you want to do that to someone? Especially someone you claim to love.

What happens when the dream killer is yourself? I have been grappling with my career choice and I have decided that I will not be happy unless I'm working in football (preferably college but I will not turn away a job with the NFL.) While I know this to be true I am forever fighting my dream. After contemplation, reflection, and conversation with God I have concluded that part of this is because I am afraid of failing. I don't want to out myself out there because I'm worried I won't be successful. My friends, my siblings, and my friends all support my decision. They have even given me advice and people to contact and I just can't help but be scared. How do you stop killing your own dreams?

I LOVE MUSIC!!! I'm not sure if I have made that clear but music has played a major part of my life. I'm still a musician at heart and can not wait until the day when I play my cello again. Needless to say that is not what this post is about. You ever have this conversation with a friend or someone you thought was a friend? Person A: Yooooo, Artist x is my new favorite artist!! Person B: Really?? He isn't your favorite I have been listening to Artist X since is first album!!! Person A: Oh, well I just heard his new single on the radio and have been listening to his songs all day! They're dope!! I'm really feeling them!! Artist X is my new favorite. Person B: *mumbles to self* I hate these bandwagon fans man!! Person A: -___- So, someone explain to me why Person A isn't allowed to like artist X? Is it really a big of a deal to be EXCLUSIVE! Yes, I have been ride or die for some people does that mean when someone else hops on the metaphorical "bandwa...

Dear 'thief in the night': There are times where I don't think about you ever and then there are days when I just can't stop thinking about what you did to me! It's unfair that you are able to have this power of me after so long. There are certain times when I'm triggered and can't explain this to anyway. I feel alone and isolated because of this experience. I am trying to forgive but it seems that every step I take forward, I end up taking 7 more backwards. I hope that one day I can regain that love for myself that you stole away from me. I just want you to know that unfortunately you're not forgotten!

In light of the Troy Davis "execution" today I have been thrown into thought. I have heard a lot of people belittled for just now joining the fight to grant this man Clemency. What? Why? OK, so there are some (myself included) who were not enlightened about the case until recently. Does that make them any less committed. I should feel ashamed that I wasn't aware of this issue until later on. That, to me, just doesn't seem right. I wonder if during the Civil Rights movement were the earlier activists looking down on those who joined the fight later? Or if the the volunteers who weren't able to help in New Orleans immediately, in light of Hurricane Katrina, were belittled for coming down a year later? Or maybe the protestors of the Vietnam War who added their voices later on were shunned by those who were against the war from the beginning. I would hope the answer to those questions are no! It shouldn't matter when you join the fight but that you're there...

If anybody knows me they know that my relationship with my father didn't begin until I was in college. My sisters and I grew up with our father until I was 5 yaers old. So I have always known who my father was. When my mother decided to take a job in Los Angeles I became separated from my father. I'm still not sure why but we didn't speak much. He made the decision that we needed to be with our mother; which was fine but he didn't need to be so MIA. I am not here to bash my father. It took some time, conversations with my Pastor, and lots of prayers but our relationship is growing. Mostly I realized that my father didn't owe me anything. Yes, he is my father but what did he really owe me? Should he have been there? Yes. Were there better ways to handle situations? Of Course. Does that mean I have to hold a grudge against him? No. It took me a while to get to that point of understanding but I'm here now. Now, I'm able to communicate with him because I was ...

I know I am!!! I have been on edge during this lockout!! Had me over thinking there wasn't going to be a season this year! The hell is wrong with people? Lucky for the NFL they worked out their differences and there will be football! So thanks to my beloved friend Branden I think that I start doing some weekly posts about the games I get to watch (and maybe those I didn't get to watch.) After I do some more research and I will express some of feelings on all the trades that have been made. I'm still just excited about the season starting!

Yesterday on my way to work my mother was listening to NPR on the radio. I usually don't have a problem with NPR but yesterday's topic worked every nerve in my entire body. No, they weren't talking about the debt crisis, or public education, or the war, or the economy, or any of the other millions of issues America is facing right now...they were discussing Marc Anthony and JLo getting divorced! o__O Say What?!?!?! Yes, ladies and gentlemen the topic was the divorce of an entertainment couple! I have always wondered why the world makes these personal/private issues their business! Now, I understand that once you move into that realm a majority of your life becomes public (a reason why I don't think I could ever be about that life!) If JLO and Anthony decided amongst the two of them that marriage was not working for them then that should be between them. The women on the radio were first in shock that they even decided to get divorced (which is funny given the divorce ra...

That's the clever saying expressing how worlds apart men and women are. Now I'm not about to sit here and pretend that women are confusing. Because damn it we are! We're emotional, moody, sensitive, and a slue of other things. I can admit that. I have caught myself on numerous occasions over-thinking and over-analyzing EVERYTHING about life. Only to realize that I have done nothing but make myself nauseous. With all of that being said men KILL ME acting as if they are not complicated. Really? Really though? BUT Really though?? Let's be real. You all are just as confused, if not more so at times , than us! Here is what I mean...you all will go through chutes and ladders, rings of fire, moats, and other dangerous adventures just to get in contact with a female. Once contact has been made and mutual interest has been established you just....poof! Disa-freaking-ppear!! Now I'm patient and understand life happens! I mean I live it..ya dig?! But don't get my hopes al...

Any one who knows anything about the history of The University of Michigan understands the meaning of that quote. Bo Schembechler will is cemented in football tradition at The University of Michigan, as the winningest coach in Michigan history. He coached thousands of players while at Michigan so it didn't seem possible that he would remember one specific player and this is where my memory begins... Bo hasn't been coaching for a while but he was still very present on Michigan's campus. I as granted the opportunity to work with the recruitment staff. During this time I was introduced to this great man personally. I sat in his office in total awe! Not only because of his accomplishments but because he remembered who my father was. As soon as Bo heard my last name he was thrown into memories of my father and couldn't stop telling me how wonderful my father was. I will never forget that moment. I just wish I told him my hopes of becoming a coach. I would have loved to hear ...

Tonight I watched Capitalism: A Love Story. Any time I watch a Michael Moore story I am always submerged into deep thought. I'm not really into politics but I am trying to make myself more aware of the decisions other people are making for me. I think that in today's world people need to take initiative about these things. I have learned that waiting for someone else to take of it will leave you worse off than when you started. Yes, Michael Moore is a little one-sided but I commend him for his bravery! He says/does some outlandish things (i.e. driving an armored truck up to all the big banks and demanding our money back from the bailout!) At least he is giving us another side to the "whole story." Unfortunately I don't really have much to say about it. I feel that no matter what I say won't really do the movie justice. Everyone should go check it out. It's on Netflix that's how I saw it! My last thought from watching it is that: All the teachers, polic...

By now you have ALL heard the term Swag! Or maybe be one of those people that use it! I'm not here to 'hate' on anyone's vocabulary..we all know how horrible that would be! But honestly what does swag exactly mean? Why is necessary to even use? Urban dictionary provides this wonderful definition: Swag: The way in which you carry yourself. Swag is made up of your overall confidence, style, and demeanor. Swag can also be expanded to be the reputation of your overall swagger. You gain swag, or "Swag up", by performing swag worthy actions that improve this perception. A person can also "swag down," by being an overall pussy and garnering negative swag for their actions. Swag is a subtle thing that many strive to gain but few actually attain. It is reserved for the most swagalicious of people. Swag can also be quantified, with point systems existing in some circles of friends. Along with these examples: "I got with two girls last night" "Aw...

What is happening in the world of entertainment? It seems like everyone as just let loose and flipped their lids! Lupe is off calling the president a terrorist, we all know about Chris Brown, Amy Whinehouse broke out of rehab, Wiz has blond hair, pretty sure I heard Diddy changed his name to swag or something stupid like that, Charlie Sheen has Tiger blood and Adonis DNA (-__-), and I'm sure there are plenty more that I can't think of right now! Just someone tell me why this OK! I mean if I went on national television spouting that Obama was a terrorist, with blond hair, talking about Tiger blood I would have been hauled off by Secret Service and later handed over to Intervention. Why is it fine for entertainers to be completely off their rockers and not me?! Don't get me wrong I like not be a cra cra (shout out to my bestie for that term!) But shouldn't we all be held to the same standards? There has to be someone to put them in their place so to speak! Cause I know if...

I wrote a post about this previously but it seems to me that it needs to be expanded upon or at least re-stated! Where on earth did 'please' and 'thank you' go?!?! Does anybody use these terms anymore? I know that amazing terminology such as swag has been added to our vocabulary but does that not leave room for manners! Do I lose any amount of possible "swag" I obtained by being polite to someone (cause Heaven forbid!) I was always taught to be polite. If in 20 years my mother heard I had the audacity to be rude to someone for no reason that would be my @$$! And I mean that! I don't understand how everyone has developed such a sense of entitlement. No one is beneath you. You have no idea hearing please or thank you can brighten a person's day. It's really simple! So I'm petitioning that we add 'please' and 'thank you' back into the dictionary! And if that means that we have to lose terms like 'swag' then so be it!

I couldn't really think of a catchy title for this post. This Sunday is always an emotional one for me. I have always considered myself a daddy's girl. I mean I love to talk sports and build things. Having a father to do those activities with is always ideal. I didn't have that growing up. Now with that being said this is not a post to bash fathers who aren't/weren't there. While this travesty is prevalent now-a-days I am not here to tell these men how horrible they are. Media and other women do that enough. I wanted to write this post because today was an amazing day. My baby sister graduated from high school Saturday and today was her graduation party. Both of my sisters had the honor of having my father attend their graduations. I wasn't able to have that and while at first it hurt me to witness this I have come to accept his efforts. I watched anguish in his face the whole weekend as he struggled with participating in our accomplishments. He wasn't prese...

I love my new hair cut! It is so simple and easy! And luckily I have the face for it! But I am a tad bit tired of people thinking I'm a lesbian because of it! I have absolutely nothing against people who are lesbian I'm just NOT!! And the length of my hair shouldn't be the determining factor! My hair is just short! That's it...Goodness people!

Like everyone else in America I have just watched Rihanna'a "Man Down" video. Now if you haven't seen it already I suggest you watch it before continue to read my post. Only because you might be confused when I make specific references! Now to my personal opinion: I want to begin by thanking Rhianna. I feel that what she has done is very worthwhile given her previous release of S & M. I won't lie and tell you that when that song came on I sang along like everyone else. Even though I'm not really a fan of whips and chains and all that other jazz but it was just so darn catchy! I'm getting off topic again. Man Down for me was one of Rihanna's most moving videos and songs to date. I believe she took a chance on taboo topic. Most of the arguments have been that the opening image of the video is "too graphic." Really? I find that hard to believe. I know that, I like many Americans, have been de-sensitized to violence. So that could be part of ...

I am quite the reserved person! It may not seem like it but there are tons of things I don't speak about or say aloud. Most of the time I would just rather listen to people. I hate sharing facts about myself which in turn makes me a horrible conversationalist at times. I hate when someone asks me to tell them about myself! I honestly have nothing to say. That all is really not relevant to what exactly this post is about. So here goes nothing: BUCKET LIST: 1. Become a head football coach for a large football university 2. Go to New Orleans and volunteer 3. Volunteer with the special Olympics 4. Preach a Sermon 5. Act in a play 6. Paint a picture that I truly love 7. Teach someone else to play cello 8. Travel outside of the country 9. Model in a fashion show 10. Dance 11. Tell myself I'm beautiful and really mean it 12. Adopt a dog 13. Own a car 14. Own a house 15. Have a conversation In ASL with a Deaf person 16. Go to every college football school and sit in the stands as one o...

A couple of days ago I received some news that hurt me. I realize I have never dealt with a past issue. I hate having to deal with a broken heart! It hurts so much.

I LOVE SPORTS!! More specifically Football and Basketball! But love all the same! When I say I mean love!! I'm not watching just to see men in tight pants or how good someone looks today! Granted I'm a female and at times this does happen but I honestly have a love for the game! My goal is to work in college football and depending on how ambitious I'm feeling potentially coach college football! I love it that much. I'm not able to describe the natural high I get from watching it on television, or being on the field, or just even talking about it! It feels so natural! I can't imagine doing anything else with the rest of my life! Needless to say it drives me BONKERS to hear guys degrade women as if they have no idea what they're talking about! Really though? It's that hard for you to believe that during the fall, on every Saturday morning in high school I woke up early to watch ESPN (because if you didn't know College Day was on) only then to pick a spot o...

My mind has been racing lately mostly because the issue of rape and rape victims has been coming up a lot lately. Especially on TV! I feel as if I come to terms with what happened to me I won't be able to watch SVU anymore! Every episode is rooted in this and half of them deal with children. I just can't! Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I need to return to therapy to reconcile my issues. In the mean time I'm not sure how much more I can handle of this!

I have recently encountered this comment numerous times in the past couple of weeks! I would say that I am enraged about this comment but I think that this would only assist in the statement. I just don't understand why this is the perception. I would like to think that I'm a pretty positive person. I love being optimistic. I think that there is so much negative in the world and it's easy to focus on that but so much harder to see the good in the little things! I have been really trying to do that. But hearing comments like, "That's why a lot of black men aren't with black women is because they're angry" kills my soul! I love black men and to know that because they assume I'm angry means they won't approach me makes me sad. Are black women defensive, maybe. I know I am and at times I try not to be but I hate being felt like I'm being underestimated. Some of that may be own personal belief but I can't help it. But that doesn't mean t...

So I have a ton of posts that I have yet to finish!! But this one is short and sweet! I need to better manage my money! I'm spending like I don't have a care in the world...when clearly I do!! I need to do better! Much better! I need to go to the bank and invest money and then stick to a budget for real! I just need to be more responsible! It's not a joke anymore! I need help! I can't keep living like this! I'm terrible!

I have been thinking a lot about society and this put yourself first mentality. I understand taking care of yourself first but it just feels like to me that most people have forgotten about community. I'm honestly just tired of us as people being selfish!! I can't take it anymore and yes I am including myself in this!

I have yet to write a post about my Greek affiliation. I have mentioned it but I haven't really gone in depth about it. So here it goes: I am a proud member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Inc. Growing up I always wanted to be a Zeta but when I got to college I was exposed to all the other sororities. For a brief minute I thought about joining another organization but after research I realized that Zeta was for me. The one thing that stuck out for me was their ideal of Finer Womanhood. Growing up and understanding femininity was difficult for me. Zeta spoke to me because to me they're was no mold of what a finer woman should be. Yes there are guidelines (i.e. poise, grace, compassion, etc.) but those could all be possessed by women of different styles and sizes. That meant a lot to me. I honestly love my Z Phi B!! So please don't be surprised that I'm a Zeta or tell me that I don't look like I should be a Zeta!! I take offense to that because what does a Zeta look like? C...

Most people can't tell but internally I'm basically a maniac! Not the delusional type but the worrying type! My mind is always racing, I'm always thinking, I'm always concerned, I'm always self-Conscious, etc. Here's a glimpse into what goes through my mind a day... 1. Body image: How do I look to others. What is their perception of me? Does it really matter? What is my perception of myself? Do I measure up? 2. God: Does he hate me? Why am I always pushing against him? Will I ever be consistent with him? Am I really be called to do what I think I'm being called to do? 3. Being single: Why am I? What do I have to do in order to not be single? Am I ready for that? Is there something wrong with me? There is a huge part of me that hates being alone! 4. Grad school: Am I ready for it? I'm excited for it! But nervous at the same time! Will I be accepted by anyone I want to be accepted by? Will I fit in? Am I making the right decision about what to study? 5. GR...

I was born in Cincinnati, OH; moved to Los Angeles, CA; then to Mt. Prospect, ILL; and finally to Alexandria, VA. I have visited many other places in the United States (Vegas, Orlando, NY, Chicago, Detroit, Ann Arbor, DC) but that's not enough. I want to travel the world.

When I was around 9 or 10 my mother told me that her and my father were getting divorced. I WAS DEVASTATED! i couldn't understand what I had done wrong to cause this to happen. My mother made sure to explain to me that it was nothing I had done but she and my father just weren't working out anymore. I just didn't understand. Once the initial shock of the news wore off what hurt even more was the fact that my dad became absent from my life. He didn't call, write, nothing. It felt to me that he just completely forgot he even had children. I hated him for that. I couldn't understand why he would want to hurt me like that. For the majority of my life was father was never present. He missed major moments in my life and hurt me until no end. I thought that I would never forgive him. He has never heard me play my cello, he didn't see my graduate from Jr. high school (I went to a predominately white Jr. High that's how they do things), he miss my high school graduat...

As u all may know I spent a pretty little penny purchasing a pair of Beats by Dre solo headphones. And I have been questioned numerous times by people on said purchase. Everyone keeps asking me are they really that special? And my answer is HELL YES! The purity and sound that comes from these headphones is orgasmic! This post is not meant to brag about my splurge purchase but to talk about the music. Some of the first songs I listened to were songs that used real instrumentation. I listened to India.Arie, John Legend, Alicia Keys (Songs in A minor I can't bang with the new A Keys), Stevie Wonder, and other artists that have REAL music! But what really got me was when I listened to Montagues vs Capulets by Sergei Prokofiev!! I just can't explain to you how Amazing it was! I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a concert hall! Now I don't know if Dr. Dre intended for me to listen to classical music through these headphones but I did it anyway! I loved it! With all that be...

This is a question I ask myself on a regular basis. And the typical answer would be no. I have never considered myself pretty. There are time when I see myself in the mirror or look at picture and wonder if that's actually me. I know exactly where this stems from and I'm not fishing for compliments. Which is usually the response I get from people. They either try to help me figure out why I believe this or tell me to be quiet I should know I'm beautiful. And honestly I don't. I wish people could comprehend that it's so hard for me to think highly of myself. I just think that I'm average. Nothing more just average. I long to think of myself as gorgeous, beautiful, pretty. Someone that men and women alike were in awe of their beauty. I just want to feel beautiful and don't know how to....

I'm not too sure what is up with me. But right now my heart feels like it weighs a ton! I should be thrilled because I'm going on a trip this weekend. But I guess I just have some things on my heart that I haven't released. Today I have been bothered with my job. I just feel so under appreciated and over worked. At times i feel like they all the work I do goes unnoticed. So today I decided to speak up and express how I'm feeling about something and then I feel as if I was made to feel bad. I mean I never take breaks I never think of myself and when I do it back fires. I'm just worried now that people won't take me seriously now. I'm just over this job. And necessarily in a negative way but I think it's time for me to move on. I need a job related to sports to help prepare me for grad school. For a while I was feeling kind of good about myself. I have been working out a lot lately and I've been pretty consistent. There was even a guy who showed inter...

I recently heard that Detroit Public Schools were going some really hard times! And that really upsets me: 1. Because a lot of people close to my heart were educated in DPS 2. Education is so important to me. It's one of the biggest injustices to me to deny people an education! I love learning! And I mean LOVE!! I feel that everyone has something they could teach me and I'm willing to learn it! But I also thoroughly enjoy formal education. I was the weird child that enjoyed going to school. As much as I stressed during my days at U of M there were so many things about it I enjoyed. I just wish that the government would realize the importance of education and how much of a dis-service they are doing America by taking education away from youth.

I have always understood the difference between a want versus a need. Growing up in a single parent home with two younger sisters I just always told myself that there were things I could live without. And at times I still have that mentality. But I must say that right now I want and need a car. Sharing one with my mother is stressing me out. We have conflicting schedules and I feel bad that I am dictating what she has to do with HER vehicle! I'm also tired of staying in every night. I want to go out and be social and I would do that with my car! But I don't feel comfortable driving all over The Area with her car! So I need a car! It doesn't have to be new...or have all the fixins...just not too many miles and doesn't need too much work! I would be happy! Oh yeah I would like it to be ALL BLACK!! I just think that it would be so sexy!!!

I really wonder what has happened to manners!! It seems to me that the "trendy" thing now-a-days is to be rude. Now, don't get me wrong I can partake in the quick jabs and jokes with the best of them but seriously everybody? There is something to being polite. Looking out for each other...being aware of people. It kills me that no one says please or thank you. How did those things become uncool? Who is said it was alright to let doors close in front of someone? Not give up your seats to the elderly? Not smile at others? What will it take to get everyone back to those days? I will be doing my best to stay positive and bring some of this back! I have to least practice what I preach because if I don't I now plenty of people that will be willing to call me out!!

I really need to get a job now that is centered around sports! I need to gain some exposure to the field/area in which I aspire to have a career! While I am grateful that I have a job I am becoming restless and can't stop thinking about how I would much rather be doing something I love. So if anybody hears of anything please let me know I will be forever indebted to you! I just need to make this happen! I would be so happy!

No this a sappy post about a guy but about my mother. I have been through a lot in my little 23 years of life and I do mean a lot. I can honestly only give myself a small amount of credit for my accomplishments. My mother is the one who made everything possible. She gave up so much for me and my sisters. At times I feel that I haven't done a good job repaying her. I know that I have graduated from college and I plan on attending graduate school but I just feel that after all she's giving me I haven't done enough! I don't think there's any way to thank her for all the love, motivation, and support she has given me! And it's all because she loved me! Honestly the power of love is amazing!

If you don't know Wale is my FAVORITE rapper EVER!!! Now that we have that clear I just have to say that I don't know how I feel about him singing to Maybach Music. I am not a fan of Rick Ross and I hope he doesn't taint the purity and realness of Wale! I will see where this goes...but I have to say that initially I am not to enthused about this news...

I know I do! I have come to realize that I have been truly blessed with some truly amazing people in my life!! Yesterday was an icky day...I discussed why in a previous post and all day at work I was down. No one knew why they just knew I was not my normal self and everyone around me kept trying to brighten my day! And that made me feel loved. I have a hard time letting people in and when I call someone a friend that means a lot. And it made me realize that people do care about me. I won't list all the people that I consider friends but I want to thank you all for being there for me! Through the good and bad times (and if you're thinking to yourself we never had any bad times...then maybe we're not really friends). I want you to know that I appreciate you! I may not say enough..or at all even but trust me you're appreciated! Thank you!

Right before I go to work today I get this, "We should just be friends" text from this guy who I have gone on a couple of dates with. First of all it was a text..like I'm not even worth a conversation! You couldn't have answered the phone when I called or picked up the phone to call me and discussed these so called family issues. Second, I believe that this family problems excuse is some BULL SHIT! We just had a conversation about how I'm uncomfortable with the thought of sex and blah blah blah and now all of a sudden you're having family problems? When less than 24 hours ago you were expressing to me how much you liked me! BULL SHIT!! I just don't understand how it's so effing easy for everyone to be my friend! I'm grateful yes but nobody wants anything more than that. I have never been one of those all men are dogs women because I refuse to put them all in that category...but come on! I just wish guys would take the understand me as opposed to ju...

Last week a nice guy came into to Trader Joe's and asked me for my number. Now this wasn't the first encounter we had...so he's not a creeper. He used to come into my line and buy food on his break and make conversation. He told me he couldn't stop thinking about me and decided that he would come ask for my number. I gave it to him and we started talking! We have quite a bit in common..which made me feel really good. Last Saturday we went on a date and I had a GREAT time! The movie was awful but that wasn't what was on mind. I just kept thinking about how great of a time I was having. So today I thought we would see each other and that didn't happen. And because I am the way I am...I feel that I am in some way scaring him off. That he no longer has interest in me. Maybe I'm jumping the gun but that is all I keep thinking about. I hope that's not true because I would really enjoy seeing him again. This life! Side note: My mom made a really good point the ...

Nothing much has changed in my daily routine I still work like I have nothing better to do...and that's about it! On my days off I don't do too much either..which bothers me slightly. I feel like that I don't take advantage of DC enough! I mean it's right there! I should be all up and through there!! But that has nothing to do with what this post is about. So there is this guy, right? I had worked up the courage to ask for his number if I saw him again but a couple days later he came in and beat me to the punch: He asked for mine. Now, I'm not used to being in this situation. I have never been the girl that a guy sees and can't stop thinking about. And in this case I was. The one thing that makes me smile about the whole situation and is that he is not short on compliments. Every time we have spoken he is complimenting me in some way. Talk about an ego boost! It just makes me smile, makes me feel good about myself!

That is one of my favorite poems for reasons that I'm not getting into right now! But none-the-less I found it fitting as a title. I know life is going to test me that's the point. It wouldn't be much living to be done if I wasn't. And I have realized that I have been looking at the negative aspects of life a lot lately. I don't have this, I had to leave, I want a new...and etc. You get the point. But I have stopped and looked at all the things I do have. Yes life threw me a jab but I'm not Knocked Out! I'm still living. And now is the perfect time for me to start looking at the positive. So that's what I'm going to start doing. So if you catch me in the streets being a "Debbie Downer" just come correct me real quick!

After much contemplation I have come to terms with that fact that I do not know how to date! I have no idea what it means to play the field or whatever cliche term you have for dating. I just don't get it. I don't know when a guy is interested in me..or even how to let a guy know that I am interested in him. My nerves take over, I get flustered, I don't know what to say, and I automatically count myself out. Heck, I don't even know where to begin looking for someone! I'm just lost...so what is it? There is clearly work that has to be done on my end but what else is there? Maybe love isn't ready for me....or this is God's way of telling me that I'm not ready for love.

This episode of Law & Order SVU is difficult...I know the majority of their episodes are about rape especially with young children. I try to stomach most of these episodes but this one is killing me! It hurts so much and reminds me how much farther I have to continue on my own journey......

America has been dealing with some serious societal issues as of late. The education system is on a downfall, Congress is fighting against the current President, President Obama is being disrespected by every facet of the media, inner cities are virtually imploding on themselves, the environment is being ripped apart by markets, America's use of oil continues and has the potential to ruin the economic system AND.... PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO B WORRIED ABOUT IDRIS ALBA PLAYING THOR IN A MOVIE!! Are you serious!? I won't state my opinion on the matter because it's irrelevant at this time. My friend sent me an article discussing the situation today and after reading it I sat down and read the comments. And I was astonished after being being called a Nigger one night at school by some upset white people and then reading those comments there is no way people can tell me that racism doesn't exist still in this country! The comments people made were astonishing. From what I tho...

"Are you scared?" I was asked this question recently by someone I talked to about my childhood sexual abuse. And I never thought that I was but maybe I am. There might be something to that. So, what does this have to do with me looking fat? OK, I'm getting to that... Being a survivor and not dealing with the abuse to years later means that there are tons of issues that need to be addressed. Which is always worse than dealing with issues head on. With that being said I have a HUGE Walk-In closet worth of issues to deal with. One of the more obvious ones being my body image. I have never thought that I was pretty...or attractive...or had a nice body nothing! I stated in my previous post (A Part of Me) that I hate my body. While this seems like an exaggeration it's not. I really wish I could another body. I have no idea how to handle being complimented for my looks and especially my body. When my friend asked me if I was scared it started the "wheels-a-turning....